Wednesday, 24 December 2008
12:04:03 PM (GMT)
I sit here today thinking. I feel free and I finally got to sleep. I’m thinking
off a lot of things. I’m thinking of Eddie aka Marobrosfan13. I thinking about if
we can be good friends and if he will move on. I’m thinking off my friends at
school and how I miss them. I sit here not crying and not smile but in between. I
think of what would my life be if I had my dad instead of my mom. I think of if I
will have another dad one day and will I have someone to walk me down the isle and
who will be the man to dance with me during one of the wedding dance.
I listen to Breath by Anna Nalick and how much the song is like me. I sit here with
no one to talk to and look in my pass. I never had a good pass everything goes wrong.
I Think about what will Portland be like when I move there and will we move after
I yearn for a hug and some one to hold me tight and never let me go. I think of my
future and how my life will be when I’m a singer and a writer. I wonder if I’m
normal and do I do normal teenager stuff. I’m emo I don’t cut but I’m really
depress since I was 10 I show people I’m happy with a fake smile but the truth is
I’m dieing inside. People hurt me when I’m so sensible.
I’m scared of people I don’t trust strangers. Why can’t I not be afraid of
someone I don’t know on the streets or in school. I wonder why I’m afraid of
sharp things and why when I pain with a paint brush at school I shake and my hand is
never steady. I wonder what it would be like in heaven.
I want to scream and tell everyone what people did to me when I was younger and all
the pain I have. I want to feel like I belong and I’m not some misfit. I miss my
daddy I cry for him I yearn to feel his touch and hear his voice
I’m small inside I feel small I feel like I’m two or four again the way I hugged
my dad the last day I talked to him before he left me. I blame my mom for all ,my
pain and for never being there when I need her. I yearn for her hug and warmth and
how I can talk to with out fighting. I wish to have a new family and I want a new
life. I yearn for a normal life and to be normal