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Previous entry: Hush Little Child. in category Poems.

Gorgeous, Anorexic, Dead.Category: Poems.
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
01:40:07 AM (GMT)
Written by: Seraphia N. B. Written on: April 11th, 2008. Note: This poem is about a beautiful girl that was the envy of her whole class. Sadly, the evny of everyone that knew her just wasn't good enough for her so she went off in search of love. She thought she had found it when she met a boy but all he really wanted for her body. It's a sad story of a girl that just wanted to be loved. Hope you like it. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Anorexic beauty queen lying in the dirt. All the bleeding words he spoke spill out to stain her shirt. Pale white skin, bleach blonde hair, she had everything and it's not fair. Drop dead gorgeous, "No, it's really true." Her eyes are slowly fading now, to white from icy blue. All the beauty she once had, now spiraled on the floor, She's the envy of the class, but still she needed more. One day someone came along and offered her a deal. She smiled and accepted it, "it's practically a steal." Though those words are all too true, regardless of the things he'd do. She went away with him to play, believing every word he'd say. She yelled out for help, but he never stopped. And as the tears fell, her cherry was popped. He then left her alone to cry on her own, but not before his signal was shown. He took out a knife and ended her life, with just a slit of her wrist his deal had a twist. Her lovely face turned blank as her heart slowly sank. "Thanks for the ride, you stupid little skank." And now she lays here with her eyes full of fear. Her face grows paler as she shed her last tear.
Last edited: 25 November 2008

Oroborus21 says :   25 November 2008   843547  
very interesting poem. it seems a little strange that the guy would
end her life instead of continue to use her, but its possible.

i would adjust this line:
She's the envy of the class, but she still needed more.

She's the envy of the class, but still she needed more.

some of the other lines also got out of the rhythm a bit and could be
improved with the addition of a modifier or two.

overall it was a nice poem


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