Friday, 1 August 2008
02:31:31 PM (GMT)
Why hasn't anyone sued me for making South Park a drama and making the characters
seem like totally different people, except for the names? x3
I made three references to Scrubs, here. If you might be curious, they're from the
episodes "My Last Goodbye" and "My Lunch". The title is also a parody of the
episodes, which all begin with 'my'. Oh, and Dr. Cox makes a cameo! Holy frick! xD
Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman boarded the school bus.
Kenny and Cartman sat next to each other, in front of Kyle and Stan.
Kenny twisted in his seat to talk to his friends.
"Dumphs, Imph omph mm lumph."
Kyle and Stan's eyes widened. "What?! What do you mean this is your only life left?!"
Kenny explained that he only had eighty lives.
"Dmph ymph rmbrmph?" he asked.
Kyle and Stan laughed loudly as they remembered the previous day when Kenny was
pushed off a building.
"Sorry, dude. But, yeah, yesterday was your seventy-ninth death...Oh, no, Ken! Dude!"
Kenny then went on about knowing that he's going to die in the hospital from heart
complications. Kyle and Stan listened intently. (And so did Cartman, but didn't show
The next day, Kenny was absent from school. Kyle noticed that Stan was wearing a
troubled look all day.
"Look, dude," Kyle told him after school. "We- as in Cartman and I- planned to go
there. Like, right now. You coming?"
"You and Cartman planned? Together?" Stan's eyes widened in surprise.
Kyle made a face of annoyance (and somewhat embarrassment). "We tend to work together
in a time of a friend's need."
Stan snorted. "Yeah, alright, I'll come." I already did it once before, so I should
be used to it, he thought.
Was he right, though?
Right before they entered the hospital, Stan froze.
"Stan?" Kyle said, spinning around to look at his friend.
"I just remembered!" Stan lied quickly. "Um...Kevin set me up on this...Blind date!"
"Really?" Kyle said.
"Yeah. Got to go." Stan ran.
"See Stan run," Kyle sighed. Then he turned to see Kenny...Alone.
"Dear God!" Kenny exclaimed after Kyle explained why the boy with the poof-ball hat
wasn't beside him. "If that dude doesn't want to see me dying, he can just say so!"
"C'mon, cut him some slack." Kyle smiled, rolling his eyes. "You're one of his best
Kenny pouted and crossed his arms. "It's my last life, for Pete's sake! Cut ME some
slack!" he complained.
Kyle changed the subject. "So, tell me how the nurses got you out of your suffocating
"They told me I had to, so I wore my parka over it. But then I looked like a chick
from the 60s, so I was like, 'Okay, screw that orange piece of shit.'"
"The 60s clothes are cool," Kyle muttered under his breath.
"Uniforms at school," Kyle blurted.
Kenny stared at him. "Okay...?"
"Well, Cartman's outside, waiting to get in. Bye!" Kyle left, looking embarassed.
"Is it serious, doctor?" Kenny's mom asked the doctor with curly hair.
"Yes, yes it is. As you can see, your kid is dying," the doctor replied
sarcastically. It seemed like that was his everyday voice.
Kenny's mother didn't seem to notice the sarcasm. "Oh. Thank you, Doctor...."
Kyle turned his attention to his cell phone. He dialed Stan's number.
"Oh...Hey, dude. Um."
"Look, dude, if you're not going to talk to Kenny in person, at least talk to him
over the phone."
Kyle entered the room again, interrupting Cartman and Kenny's conversation.
"Hello...?" Kenny said as he was handed the phone.
"Um, hey, Kenny."
"Stan!" Kenny gestured to the two in the room to leave.
They did, and Kenny vaguely heard Cartman asking Kyle if he knew where to get
"So what's up, dude? You're blind date seemed to go pretty quickly," Kenny teased.
"I wasn't into her." Stan played along.
"What about you?" Stan questioned.
"Eh, I feel fine. I don't think I'll last till tomorrow though."
"Oh...Yeah, I forgot how sensitive you are. Sorry."
"It's okay." Then he gasped. "Oh, dude! I can hear you!"
"No, I mean-!"
"Yeah, yeah, parka's gone. I looked like I was from the 60s."
"Never mind." He grinned.
"So, like, dude. I hear Shelly coming, I have to get out of her way before she beats
me to a pulp."
"Alright, but first..." Kenny took a deep breath, then bellowed, "STANLEY MARSH, IF I
DO NOT SEE YOU BY MY DEATHBED, I SWEAR TO YOU, I WILL DO TO YOU WHAT I DID TO
"Ouch," snickered Stan. "Your heart's going to make you pay."
Kenny coughed several times. "You're right. See-" Cough. "-you, dude."
"Bye." Stan pressed the 'End' button.
He felt guilty about lying to his best friend just to get out of a phone
"Ken was really happy about your conversation yesterday," Kyle told Stan during lunch
the following day.
"Gaywad," Cartman said, dipping his spoon into his yogurt.
Kyle glared at Cartman. "He's dying, you insensitive fatass!"
"'Ay! I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!" Cartman said his usual comeback.
"No, you're a fatass!" Kyle replied.
"Well, screw you gahs, Ahm going home." He stood up and exited the cafeteria.
"Well, we heard him yelling. It was pretty funny," Kyle said.
Stan forced a smile. "Yeah."
"You going to do it again?" Kyle asked, a flash of hope appearing in his eyes.
"Actually...," Stan began. "Maybe tomorrow."
"Dude." Hope was replaced by anger. "Kenny needs you. Are you going to do this to
him?! He's a hero to us all- do you remember how many times he saved people's
"It's hard for me!" Stan exclaimed. "He's my best-fucking-friend! I'm trying, but I
can't! OKAY?! I CAN'T!" His voice became louder and louder. "I'M A FUCKING HUMAN,
They both stood up and glared at each other as if they were going to fight.
Kyle's voice rose, too. "SO IS KENNY! AND HUMANS NEED FRIENDS! STAN, YOU'RE KENNY'S
FRIEND. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, ABANDONING HIM LIKE THIS?!"
He knocked down his tray of food and stomped out.
Stan sat down and pinched his nose. He muttered swearwords under his breath over and
Clyde smirked. "Chick fight."
"Kenny!" Kyle grinned as he stepped into the hospital room. "You're still alive!"
Kenny grinned back. "Damn right I am, bitch!"
Kyle sat in a chair, looking serious. "Look, dude, Stan can't call today."
Kenny's grin faded. "So...He'll come visit, then?" He sounded somewhat relieved.
The redhead shook his head.
Kenny sighed. "Typical Stan."
"It hurts when reality hits you, doesn't it?"
Kyle looked at his friend, surprised. "What?"
"Nothing. You know, I thought I was going to die yesterday night. It was a real
surprise that I lived this long. To me." He smirked briefly, then grabbed the TV
remote and turned it on.
"What show is this?" Kyle asked.
"Scrubs!" Kenny exclaimed. "I've taken a liking to it."
Kyle stared curiously at the TV.
"Shh!" Kenny said, even though Kyle wasn't speaking. "J.D. is talking."
"You can ask any doctor," J.D. narrated. "Sometimes patients just hang on until
everyone's had a chance to say good-bye."
Kyle suddenly came to a realization. He knew why Kenny was still alive.
"I've got to go."
"Why?" Kenny asked, but his eyes were still glued to the screen.
"Have to talk to Stan." Why, oh why, did he blurt the truth?
"Ah." Kenny nodded. "Have fun."
"You're not listening."
"I agree! We have so much in common." Kenny coughed.
Kyle rolled his eyes, then ran out.
Stan opened the door, staring in surprise at who was at the doorstep.
"Stan, you've got to see Kenny," he said at once.
"No," Stan refused firmly.
"The boy is staying alive for you!" Kyle exclaimed, frustrated already. "He was
supposed to die yesterday, Stan! But why didn't he?! He was fighting until everyone
said bye! He's NOT fighting for himself, Stan, he's fighting for you."
There was long silence.
"How do you know?!"
"Because, he said he was supposed to die last night! He assumed that you would suck
it up and say bye already, but you didn't. Dude, come on." His voice had a hint of
Stan took a deep breath. Kyle bit his lip, hopeful.
The door slammed in his face.
Kenny's hospital bed was empty the next morning, when Stan finally decided to visit.
"Stan, once you blame yourself for Kenny's deaths, there's no coming back," Kyle told
"Yeah." Tears filled his eyes. "You're right." He turned around and left.
Last edited: 1 August 2008