Tuesday, 23 June 2015
11:59:14 PM (GMT)
I see him standing on the other side of the crowded room, "oh my god what am I going
to do? He can't see me..." I begin to hide behind a group of people. "At the same
time I can't look crazy; act normal.. NORMAL GOD DAMN IT." There's absolutely nothing
I can do with the comments that i'm making to myself in my head. I just want to run
very far away, I don't want him to know that even though it's been 2 years I haven't
moved on from his dumb ass. Which I mean maybe he'd be thinking the truth but I want
him to actually believe I am okay; atleast without him. How could he do this? Come to
my family get together when he knows he left. Like fuck me! I'm standing there in the
corner being such a whiner baby, literally.
I walk up to my mother and kiss her cheek, "sorry i've been so busy with work and all
and I haven't had the chance to come see you and dad. How is dad by the way?" I look
at her calm face. How could she look as young as me, OH RIGHT! she got a face lift
which I hate looking at my mother thinking she's 23. "Oh yes? you're always busy and
you never see us anymore. I mean ever since pretty boy cut off the engagement you've
been this train wreck. I've been getting comments from the family; family that hasn't
talked to me in years because of you and this depression." She waves her arms around
like a damn chicken I thought. I giggle and my mothers' face reddens. "Of all places
to treat your mother like this, at a family get together. GET OUT!!" The whole room
quiets and everyone is staring right at me. Time to give them what they want... I
thought, "Listen here mom, the reason I stay so busy is because I refuse to get along
with this family. It isn't like you ever made an effort with me anyway... I mean
seriously you wanted me to be this pretty white rich girl well guess what I'm not
like you." I give her the gift I brought for her and dad. I kiss her cheek and
whisper so no one knew what I told her, "Mom look in the mirror every once and
awhile... you aren't what everyone thinks anymore."
Oh god damn it why is he staring at me like that, bitch ass. I thought and I grabbed
the door handle and walked out of the house. "Ahh fresh air how perfect." I said
walking to my car which I could see a mile away because the sun was so damn bright. I
open the door and step in, "FUCK, SHIT, BITCH ASS." I take a few deep breaths. This
was the only time I could have my little temper tantrums where no one knew I was this
way. I had to let all these emotions out and cussing was like therapy for me. No one
knew that though because I didn't want people to think I was crazy or I needed a
psychiatrist which I don't...
On the drive home all I could here was my mothers' words that I was an embarrassment
and that is what she meant. How was I an embarrassment? Of everyone in that family I
had the least amount of drama but I was the only one without a "man." As I pull in
the drive way and park my insides are feeling like they're being stabbed over and
over again. "Why should they care i'm alone? There isn't anything wrong with being
alone.. THERE ISN'T." I don't understand why I get louder, I guess to honestly make
myself believe that there isn't anything wrong with moving on. I walk inside the
apartment dropping my keys on the counter picking up the phone. "come on pick up the
fucking phone... oh heyyy. uhm I was wondering if I could take you up on that offer
now. Yes that offer; no not the strip club... Yes that; I really want you to show me
how to have fun again. Okay, i'll see you at eight." Oh god what have I done? I was
pacing back and fourth in my kitchen. "I have to get ready.. I can't look like this!"
I run to my bedroom practically falling over my feet. "Shower, shower..." I murmur
amongst myself going into the bathroom with my vanilla candles. I pull my shirt off
throwing it anywhere and slip out of my pants quickly. Looking in the mirror I sigh.
I pull off my underwear and bra quickly looking away from the mirror turning the
shower on. Stepping in the water rushes down my back and neck. I tense at the sudden
chill then breath heavily when the water warms. The vanilla mixes in the steam and it
is quite a lovely aroma. "Mmnn." I groan underneath the water my hands gliding up and
down my neck, waist, and between my legs. "If mom only knew the things she could do
for herself; all she needs is a shower and her own hands." I whispered lightly as the
water passed over my lips and chin. The one thing I knew I was good at was making
myself feel good...I didn't need a man to drive me crazy; I drove myself crazy with
all my sexual thoughts the buzzed in the back of my head.
I place one foot out and shut the water off slowly still feeling the water drizzle
against my leg. Leaning against the wall I groan not wanting to leave the warmth of
the bathroom only to receive goosebumps from the 67• temperature in my room. I open
the door walking over to my closet grabbing my robe throwing it on. "Lets see...
sexy? sexy? uhh casual? uhhh." I throw my face in my hands. What are you doing? If
your family caught you or even knew you was going out on a date with a black man
they'd have your head on a platter served to homeless children. "They aren't gonna
find out and if whatever this is going to become, becomes something more. Fuck
them... I deserve to be happy and who cares what race he is; I'm grown... I can do
what the fuck I want to do. Yes thats right.. I can." I smirk looking at my clothes.
I grab my blue silk dress that hugs at my curves and my white high hell shoes. "Lets
hope you can still impress the male race." I laugh amongst myself walking over to my
bed throwing myself on top of it.
I hear a knock at the door as i'm just putting on these shoes that will kill me by
the end of the night. "Be right there..." I yell from my room which is literally a
few steps from my apartment door. I grab my phone and keys opening the door not
really looking at him quite yet. I can feel his smirk against the back of my head and
tense, "oh dear god, he's thinking little rich white girl.." I turn around nearly
bumping into him because he's so close. "Uhh.. H...Hi." I murmur staring at his
lovely lips..He steps back smiling, "My bad... I just figured.. nevermind." He says
speaking in a low tone. "No it's fine, just glad I didn't run over you or some shit."
I place my hand at my mouth... "Sorry..." I turn away wanting to bang my face into a
brick wall. "Hey it's fine, don't worry about it. Sometimes shit comes out you don't
want people to hear." He smiles and I face him... "That usually doesn't happen
though... I usually can keep everything in." He licks his lip lightly staring me up
and down. "Nah it's cool, you're cool. Ready to go?" I smile at him biting my lip,
"Of course... I'm ready are you?" I smirk walking beside him to the elevator.
"Don't look at him..." I say over and over in my head. He's staring at me and it
isn't making me uncomfortable. It's making me want to look at him too..His lovely
lips, his broad shoulders, and those eyes...God damn it; i'm already wanting him. "So
your friend, uh didn't tell me much about you because she said you're a chatty
kathy." He continues smiling, watching me bite on my finger lightly. "Oh yes..." I
murmur finally looking him dead in the eye. "I talk alot... sadly. It's probably the
worst habit I have.. talking is almost like a hobby for me." I look away mouthing at
the elevator wall, "god you are such a dumbass... ITS A HOBBIE? Really?" I look back
at him..and there he is again licking those damn lips. "Why do you keep doing that?
Are your lips dry or something?" It's out of my mouth before I even know i've said
it. He's stunned. "What?" he stares out me open mouthed. "I didn't realize... I was
licking my lips." He chuckles.. "Thanks for telling me."
I stare at him and the elevator door opens."Okay change of subject... do you like
white girls? or did my friend make you come?" I look at him chewing on my bottom lip.
"Yes I like white girls like you. I wouldn't have came if I didn't..." He smiles, "Do
you like black guys or is this your first black guy?" I stare at him looking down,
"You're the first date i've had in two years and my first black guy. I really don't
care about race.. my family does." I look at him my eyes staring into his. "Where
would you like to go? I'm not much of a decision maker so you pick..." I continue
looking at him and he smirks. "Well we could always go for pizza? I know that's like
for kids but you should know that Chicago has the best pizza. I mean we do live
here.." He smiles showing his teeth. "Yes, that sounds really good. I'm tired of
these boring Italian restaurants. By the way you have pretty teeth." I bite my lip
staring at his lips... God he is so fine! I murmur in my mind.
He places his arm around my waist, "come on lets go eat then you can continue to
stare at me." He chuckles glancing out of the corner of his eye at me. "You're
staring too buddy." I tease as we walk over to his car.
I watch him as he walks over to the drivers side and gets in. "So have you always
liked white girls?" I glance at him smiling... "Oh yes, always." He stares putting
the key into the ignition... I get side tracked staring at his hands. "I want his
hands on me in this car, in this parking lot, right now..." He catches me staring...
my lips smooshing together and my legs tightening against eachother. "What is it?"
Hes looking at me his head tilted and before I know it i've unbuckled my seat belt
and my lips are on his. My hands are on his shoulders and i'm already pushing myself
against him. "I...I'm sorry.. I just really want to kiss you." He grabs me his arms
around my waist tugging me on top of him...my dress slides up abit revealing my lace
thong. My face reddens pulling my dress down, "I promise i'm not always like this..."
He chuckles and pulls my dress up my thighs his fingers slightly brushing my skin.
"Maybe all along you liked black guys..." He whispers against my neck, lightly
trailing kisses down my neck an collar bone. "If they were all like you, I would've
definitely been with one alot sooner..." I gasp and pull him up to me. "Do you want
me?" I whisper kissing his lips lightly and moving to his neck as my hands wander
down across his pants.
His hands move to my ass grabbing me hard as he teases me with his denim jeans
gliding against my wet spot..."Fuck." I groan biting his lip hard. "Please give it to
me..." I moan unzipping him, letting him spring free. He chuckles in the back of this
throat, "you want me that bad?..." I gasp looking at his erection biting my lip,
"fuck that looks fun to play with..." I say in my head as I lightly place my hand on
him driving him crazy. "You're so big...I want you so much more..." I continue
staring rubbing him up and down. "you want me to fuck you in your car?" I stare at
him waiting for a reply..."You've already made that decision yourself." He laughs.
"Oh that part." I pull my panties aside slamming down on him almost falling apart.
"fuck, fuck, fuckk..." I groan as he grabs my hips slamming me down on him hard and
fast. "You're such a dirty slut aren't you? You wanted me when you first saw me
standing at your door didn't you?" He slams into me my body giving out... no longer
capable of even moving against him. "Yes." I groan as he continues to push deeper and
deeper. "I'm not even close yet..." He grumbles pushing me hard against the steering
wheel. "I want you to get in the back seat and face the trunk window.." He slams in
me one last time and pulls out of me... I wince as he slaps my ass hard, "God you're
such a dirty little whore..." I gasp and move into the back seat at a slow pace
trying to regain feeling in my legs. He climbs in the back and I feel his legs around
mine. He places his hands on my ass spreading me... "You're so wet it's pathetic..."
He rubs his cock against my pussy, "I want you to beg for me because right now i'm
thinking you are too much of a good girl to beg me to fuck you..." He whispers
against my ear slapping my behind hard. I come apart beneath him... "Fuck.. I'm not a
fucking good girl, i'm a whore and should be treated as such...I want you to fuck me
and not stop even if I beg you too." My hands are holding onto the back of the seat
and I hear him laugh deeply i the back of his throat. "Good to know." He slams his
cock into me, pulling on my hair hard making me groan loudly as my eyes shut tight.
"Fuck...Harder please." I begin to move back onto him hard, "you like fucking white
bitches in your car don't you? I think your a fucking slut too." I groan and he grabs
my hips hard leaving marks, "you don't tell me what I am...bitch i'll be whatever you
want." He slams again and again and I lose myself around him... "god you feel so
fucking good.." I moan my face pressed against the seat hard..
He pulls out of me fast, "come suck on my cock you dirty slut.." I turn around facing
him, "does someone want to come in my pretty little mouth?" I pull his hips hard
forcing him in my mouth.. licking him roughly...