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Poem-ish-thingCategory: Blue Green Orange Red Black
Thursday, 26 February 2015
01:10:38 AM (GMT)
Even before the word had any meaning to me 
I liked the syllables 
Mass a chew sets 
The way the first half of the word slips out of your mouth easily 
And the second half you have to spit out with force 
It's a beautiful word 
And a beautiful place 
But I can't love it 
Because I'm terrified of it 
I hear the word spoken 
Or see it pictured on a map 
And my throat closes and my mind swims in half-muted memories and I try not to get
swept away again 
Because it's all too easy to get overwhelmed when I remember 
Everything that happened between us
Everything we shared, all that we tried to save each other from and only ended up
falling into together 
Loving you was hard work 
But it was the kind of hard work that is blissful because in your exhaustion you find
new energy  
The kind of hard work that is blissful because within it you discover what it means
to truly be alive 
And after investing so much in you 
After seeing your dreams when I slept 
The battles seemed stronger on my end and you weren't hesitant to let me carry most
of the weight 
I couldn't say no and neither could you 
Not when I opened my arms to you, not when you found room in your bed for me 
Our matter-of-fact attachment was so simple, so unavoidable 
There was nothing we could do but love each other 
Because we both needed it 
Because we got high off each other 
Because we got lost in the intoxicating swirl of love and lust, the way the two
concepts would tumble over each other and seem to combine and blend but then separate
long enough for us to enjoy each one in it's full unfiltered entirety 
It was a beautiful mess that we made together 
And it exists now only in my heart and in my mind and somewhere in space in the core
of a nebula, something I saw in a dream 
So I whenever I hear that word 
The name of the place 
Where you are 
Where I'm not 
And I'm reminded of you 
And how I don't have you 
How I never will have you 
Whenever I hear the word 
I feel so happy, it makes me sad 
And so sad, it makes me happy

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