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This diary entry is written by lillymill. ( View all entries )
 
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Better.Category: (general)
Friday, 15 November 2013
01:24:01 AM (GMT)
Sometimes being 'better' than other people really sucks.

I really don't want my friends to feel like I'm better-- I want them to feel like I'm
their friend.
Not that person whose lowest grade was an 87% on their report card. (Which, in
Canada, is considered an A due to differences in grading.)
Not that girl who draws better than you, writes better than you. I don't want to be
the girl who knows where she's going in her life when you don't have a clue. 
I don't want to be that girl who always gets that little percent higher on their
test.
I want to be that girl whose company you enjoy, who is a cause of your laughter, who
listens when you just need somebody to BE there for you.
I never want to be the source of envy.
And maybe I'm not, and that's perfect for me.

I know I'm not 'beautiful', I'm awkward and clumsy and ungrateful sometimes.
I know that I'm uncoordinated and seem to be missing a lot of basic knowledge in the
world.

But when my best friend says she hates me, jokingly, sometimes I wonder if she really
does.
And when I do well on my report card, I kind of hope nobody will ask. 
When I draw something new, I kind of hope nobody will make a big deal of it.

Me, I don't feel talented, though others seem to think so.
I just hope they won't ever ENVY me for it.

Comments 
Phantom says:   15 November 2013   763715  
idk if you are beautiful or not you say you arent but if you were
then they would resent you for that. if you were musically gifted they
would resent you for that. if you were a good athlete they would
resent you for that....etc. you get the point. your real friends may
in fact envy you just a little bit at times...it does happen. its sort
of in all of us to do it even w our friends very occassionally...so
dont hold that against anyone. clearly you can tell/know the diff
between these friends and actual jealous haters and ignore the later.

as for what you do..your friends will ultimately like you if you stay
true to yourself...that means keep doing well..keep pursuing your
plans in life. they will respect that and you can do that and be a
good friend to them by continuing to be nice and there for them in
what they do. dont ever try to be less than your best for anyone.
 
lillymill says :   21 January 2014   521644  
@Phantom 
thank you <3. I guess sometimes doing better than people makes me feel
a little self conscious, you know? But this definitely helps! I just
hope people understand that I might be better than them in certain
scholarly things but that doesn't mean I'm better in general, because
they would have things that they're better at. 
 

 
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