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This diary entry is written by EpicFiveMetersofAwesome. ( View all entries )
 
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What am I really? Mature, immature, childish or selfish?Category: No comment
Thursday, 12 May 2011
01:48:10 AM (GMT)
Yeah. You can say this is a vent or something like that.. I really don't know really, I guess I kinda been down lately.. None of my msn friends, which are close friends really don't want to hear me out on how I feel and such. Its nothing about them, but I dunno how to really explain all this. Sorry if this diary is too long, I really wanted to tell someone.. Then holding it in. My boyfriend, which I love dearly is coming to Otakon to see me.. Hes working to get money to do so and hes trying his best too, I'm lucky and yeah.. I guess I am selfish at times though, but I guess you could tell me if I am when I tell you.. One thing that I'm sad about is.. All the times he said, and he did that he would cosplay Sebastian to be my Sebastian.. When he told me that, oh god, I was was so happy and couldn't wait even more! We were going to do fun things together as the two and I really thought we would totally look cute together.. Although, couple days ago.. We were talking and he said he wanted to cosplay someone else named big boss(not sure who he is, but hes from a game..). He did tell me to pick though, and told me that big boss would be easy for him.. Its also a bit cheaper.. So the next day I told him that I picked him to be who ever he wanted to be and that was big boss.. I'm still hurt though, I really don't know why.. I love him lots and I don't want to force him to do anything he doesn't want to do but why.. Why did he say he would be my sebby and only sebby? Tell me the things we were going to do and he could even do a British accent too.. He has told me he would never lie to me, but... is that a lie right there? Or am I just selfish and or childish..? I guess he would be more comfortable in that outfit then Sebastian, but why would he also say he would grow his hair out to make his hair real like to Sebastian then using a wig too? I guess there are a couple reasons why now he doesn't want to be "him". First one is, I guess that who cosplay Sebastian are "yaoi obsessed fangirls that are fat, but not all or gay guys" that is what he said mostly to me and the second one would be that hes outfit isn't a "challenge" for him too. Like in other words, he said to me "Like I just buy it and that's all?" I guess he wants to make his cosplays hand by hand and or modify things to make it.. To me cosplay is for fun and to have a good time.. To him however, it sounds like the person and cosplay have to be 100% prefect or close to that. I know hes not skinny as sebby, but hes not really fat.. So I thought it would be fun/cute cosplaying Ciel and Sebastian. I think I have told him too if he would ever cosplay Sebastian for me and he didn't say a thing.. I'm not sure if I want to be Ciel at otakon now from the way I'm feeling.. I just hope I don't sound too selfish or childish. >< Alright that's one thing off my shoulder, but I have one other thing I really want to say out now, its stupid I guess you might say.. Do I act mature or immature to you guys? The thing is that.. when I was on mic with my boyfriend we were talking but he was also playing a game, he was playing k-on I believe.. Last night though, when he was playing though he said something to one of the characters, which is mugi(forgot the rest of her name) and I think he was keep saying "Ohhh mugi you deserve a treat for being so good" or something, I don't remember clearly what he said word for word. D: It was late so yeah.. Is it stupid though that I felt a bit jealous from that? He really doesn't talk like that to me, so I guess that could be why.. Finally, I did tell him that I felt that way last night today and I did ask why he doesn't really do that to me.. He says that I don't act really "mature", "intelligent(I know hes not saying I'm stupid, but I dunno)" and couple other things.. I did ask what should I do for him to do that for me and the thing he told me that I should act like mugi, not "like her" but learn a thing or two on the ways she acts.. Shes not even real and I know that, but I felt a bit jealous on how he was acting with her.. Do you think I'm really that stupid and or a idiot from thinking that way with a none living person? x.x I do believe so, but it does hurt me and I really am not sure why. What do you guys really think though of me? Am I selfish, childish and or immature from being down on these two things that aren't a huge big deal? I know this dairy is huge and I'm truly sorry for that. x.x I'm also sorry if I took any of your time from this dairy, I know its stupid.. All of it is, but I really wanted it off my chest and I do feel a tiny bit better from doing so. Thanks for reading my dairy and again, sorry for it being sooo long. Please have a nice day! :3

Comments 
‹ㅑJïNxㅜㅇNㅕ› says:   16 May 2011   621142  
 In a nutshell: 
I think ur great and you shouldn't let people get you down so much..
Forget about him not being Sebastien, if he said he would and then he
didn't want too and then you tell him thats okay then you shouldn't
expect him to do sebastien. (it was pretty nice of you to not force
him either)

I think ur a rly fun person. And fuck others who say otherwise!
 
EpicFiveMetersofAwesome says:   16 May 2011   556951  
@JinxedExpressions 
Aww thanks, and I guess I have.. But I think he is going to be him
now. Dx Because of me just saying I wish I could have a Sebastian
cosplayer to be my Sebastian and with my new facebook profile
picture/comment too I guess... He said he doesn't want to feel guilty
and stuff or something..  Now I think I made him a little upset and or
mad too, today even. About I dunno even.. The relationship is online
though, but we are seeing one another at an anime convention.. So I'm
not sure. x.x I still guess I do act immature of selfish then... I
sometimes think I'm not made to be a girlfriend at all.. 
 
‹ㅑJïNxㅜㅇNㅕ› says:   17 May 2011   122261  
Well it sorta seems like u guys are having some BF GF issues.
What i think is that u guys should take a break from each other and
see how it goes- if ur happier then yay, if not see if you can get
back with him. 
Its weird that he's upset because ur the one he made the promise to.
So ya. :T
 
EpicFiveMetersofAwesome says:   18 May 2011   895708  
@JinxedExpressions 
I don't really know if I could do that.. Its like, I still talk to
him, he doesn't have a kupika.. but its a game type of site like gaia,
do you know gaia? I don't talk to him in person all the time, but in
im's aka messages and I still do and even with voice(voice is mic.)
too. x.x  So I really don't know, its not like I don't talk to him.. I
do and its every single day. Dx We can't do much on the computer, you
know? I guess he thought I was going to bug him about him not being
Sebastian and that's why maybe... I dunno really. 
 
‹adorkablemaknae› says :   30 May 2011   391990  
@EpicFiveMetersofAwesome
I think you guys are just going through the bumps in a healthy
relationship but I do not think he has the right to judge you as being
"immature". A good boyfriend accepts you for who you are. My
ex-boyfriend, Rudy, accepted my anime obsession and stuff like that.
He did not like anime at all but he tried it out for me, he liked it
and then he didn't but he still supported that part of me. Linds, you
are intelligent and mature. What's wrong with being immature once in a
while? It's what brings people joy sometimes to act like they're not.
Don't get too worked up about the cosplay or Mugi thing. It's just
something small and don't be jealous of Mugi because you're awesomer
than her. ;D He shouldn't compare you to any anime character - they're
fictional and of course, they're going to be in their own way 'better'
than us. They're made to be that way. We aren't. 
 
 
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