Wednesday, 14 July 2010
10:40:48 PM (GMT)
It’s like a once in awhile thing, you come and go whenever you please. I
shouldn’t be involved with it. I shouldn’t put up with it. It’s completely
unnatural. I want to get away from you, but I always have the temptation to talk to
you… I’m sorry I am so clingy to you, I can’t help it… Though you were never
really there for me… Or really anyone for that matter. I understand completely that
you are afraid of the whole relationship thing, and now… I know why you are. I’m
surprised you actually told me. It’s okay to be afraid, not just relationships
either; the future ahead of you too. I know I’m just young, but really, sweetie,
it’s alright to be afraid. You’re such a smart kid; you can get thru anything…
I feel like I’m onto two stepping stones, one for each foot. I am afraid to lose
balance so I’m holding onto you and him both… I can’t let either of you go.
It’s selfish of me, I know. I am afraid you’re going to leave again, even though
we aren’t doing anything. I feel horrible for letting myself feel like this because
of you. You give me the worst butterflies ever; it’s what I hate most about you. I
hate how I can wrestle with you, and it turns into a lustful kind of thing. I hate
how when I just look at you at the right moment I get the sudden immediate urge to
kiss you… I hate how you make me laugh all the time with your stupid jokes…yes,
stupid despite how funny they are, they’re stupid because I hate it. I hate how you
can make me feel on top of the world then the next minute you have crushed me into
the ground. All because you are afraid, I hope you know that I absolutely hate that.
You won’t find many who will keep coming back for more of that bullshit. If you do,
they must be a fool for you. Yeah, I admit it, I want you. I want you to stay. I want
you to never leave my side. But I’m glad I don’t have you. I do feel good.
I haven’t cried over you for awhile. It’s improvement for sure. =] But, I do
think of you almost every day… Sometimes I see your face in my dreams. It does put
me down quite a bit, but I get right back up.
I miss you, I miss how we use to be, I miss the old us, I miss everything we’ve
done, I miss seeing you almost every single day…
I know you miss me too, I can see it, I can feel it… You are lonely… I wish I
could fix that for you, but I can’t, love. =[ I just wish you’d stay…
To me, you are perfect.