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This diary entry is written by ‹[Belongs.In.Neverland]<3›. ( View all entries )
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Dear Kimi, Talk to me already.Category: (general)
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
02:06:07 AM (GMT)
I honestly have no clue what we're even fighting about.

everyone claims they have talked to you,
everyone tells me different things.

I wan't to hear it from you,

I want you to fucking tell me,
right now.

What the FUCK did I do to get you this so fucking upset with me?

Everyone told me,
Alot of diffrent things.

but before I begin with that I want to get this across.
my PTSD,panic, anxiety attacks?
were happening before you even knew about them.
before I dated duncan.
but I fucking hid them.
the way I was always paranoid when I was younger?
were because I was always fucking afraid.
I didnt know of what,
I know now.
you can say and think you told me about them and I built on,
but that isnt the case.
those attacks were from being abused,
and being raped.
now do you see why i always talk about my nightmares, how i rarely dream??
I have a fear of guys because I was raped,
that triigers the memories, the flashbacks.
the attacks.
but at the same Time i dont not like having a guy I can call my boyfriend
and that is genetic.

why do you think my mom dates assholes?

going on to what I have been hearing;

"she hates you, because she thinks you copy off of her"
"she's mad at you, because she called you an attention wanting fake"
"she thinks your annoying"
"she thinks you controll her life"
this is only a few examples
-in truthfulness?
I think we are so fucking alike,
to the point where everything we do,
looks like a copy off of eachother.
-I'm definantly NOT attention wanting,
and I can agree to being fake.
fuck, I have my own fake personality, and everything.
am I not allowed to vent every now and then.
attention wanting? no. Im sorry,
But I'm not. If I wanted attention, I would go out, and grab my attention.
would you like to see me try for it?
-Fine then, I'll stop bothering you, fucking forever after this.
-You think I controll your life?
Why the FUCK would I wan't to do that,
when I don't even have controll over my own?
I STOP you from doing things you will beat yourself up over.
how do I know you'll beat yourself up over them?
because You fucking HAVE.
I don't controll your life,
but you honestly dont see that the things you do DO affect people that love you.
Like me in example?
Im not going to "ignore what you do"
I'm not going to overlook it,
and I may only be fourteen,
But I can help.
You don't accept my help,
you turn it around in your mind as if I'm trying to controll you.

If you want help?
fine, I wont be here to help you anymore.
My "help" apparently isn't good enough for you.

they say that if a person is ment to be in your life,
they fight to stay,
im fighting to stay,
because I love you kimberly.

I honestly dont give a fuck about what you say about me,
What hurts though,
is that I hear what you say.
And you don't say it to my face.
grow the fucking balls and say it to my face kimberly.

I have overall heard stories from tons of people.

but not fucking YOU.
so tell me, right fucking now.

what's wrong with me?

because everyone apparently says you think theres somthing.

I wan't the real story,
I wan't it fucking now.

I wan't to find peace in this,
with or without you continueing to be in my life.

I'm done fucking fighting with whatever false pride you and I both have.

you're hurting, and I'm hurting aswell.

and we both are hurting with a million diffrent issues.

this issue is one I wan't to finish.

so help me
help you.
Last edited: 18 October 2011

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