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Opinions?... Is This Creepy?Category: (general)
Sunday, 11 September 2011
04:08:27 AM (GMT)
I have a friend who attends a performing arts high school. She's in the drama
program, which performs about four plays a year and always has the students very busy
and involved. Their drama teacher is also their director, which obviously entails a
few things that might be considered somewhat overstepping boundaries, but it has to
be that way. For example, he e-mails them schedules, changes, etc. to their personal

We have been debating something else recently, though- he seems to have befriended
some of the students. For example, he was sending them personal texts over summer
vacation that have nothing to do with school or drama, and often hangs out with their
parents while the student is present.

To me, this is a huge issue.  Her excuse is always that he's her director and,
because she dreams of being a Broadway star, he has her career in her hands.  As
such, apparently, this constitutes special circumstances.  She tells me I'm jealous
because I do have a sort of parallel situation going on at my school (NOT as personal
as their relationship) and I wish I had the privileges she has.  For one, she's
wrong; I'm not jealous because I honestly find it creepy.  

Secondly, let me explain what she's talking about: English is my passion, no hands
down, has been since I was about six.  As with most students, the first real
experience I had with literature was in grade nine, and it genuinely moved me and
changed me, both as a person and a writer.  Needless to say, that teacher has come to
mean a lot to me, but only as a teacher.  We talk a lot but we aren't friends,
and he certainly doesn't e-mail me or TEXT ME.  Oh my goodness, the idea of getting a
text from him is so ridiculous... my mother would lose her mind.

What's even creepier is that her parents fully approve of it, and whenever I try to
casually bring up the fact that I, along with everyone else we know, feels it's
innaproppriate, they try and shut me up.  They are just rolling in the deep with this
shit because they think this man is going to make their daughter a star.  This, of
course, is in stark contrast to my own mother question why my history teacher called
me "hun" once, or why my English teacher walks away whenever she shows up.  

In my opinion, the relationship between my friend and her teacher is a failure on the
part of the students, the parents, and of course the teacher.  Student-teacher laws
are so strict these days; a teacher isn't even allowed to be alone in a classroom
with a kid!  Whenever the aforementioned English teacher and I are talking after
class, he makes sure we step out onto the porch (he's in a portable, not a classroom)
so that everyone can see that our actions are innocent.  If a teacher is texting his
students and going on daytrips with their families, and one of those students made up
a lie about him being innaproppriate with her, there'd but no way he could deny it.

What are your opinions on this?  Am I just being hyperparanoid (I suppose I would
have reason to be; I'll explain if anyone asks), or is this really an issue?

‹SqueeneyTodd› says:   11 September 2011   680506  
I think you have a good reason to be worried. I get talking to  a
teacher, but texting and constantly being around them is weird. The
closest thing I can think of that's like this is a girl in my choir
class, but the choir teacher has known her and her family since the
girl was a baby.

"A teacher isn't even allowed to be alone in a classroom
with a kid!"
I don't know how strict your school is, but it certainly isn't like
this in mine,
‹Cowards•Are•Golden› says:   11 September 2011   507591  
That is something to be worried about. There's a similar situation in
my school too. The choir teacher is all buddy buddy with quite a few
of her students on an inappropriate level. To me, that's just purely
unprofessional. A teacher should not be texting, calling, or hanging
out with students outside school related events. So I understand what
you're feeling first hand. Not only that, but it's also extremely
unfair to other students. From my own observations, I'm not sure if
it's this way with yours, but my choir teacher tends to pick those
students of hers she has more of an actual friendship with for any
solos or special thing she provides. It's sickening to me. Granted,
some of those students are friends with her daughter, but it's still
extremely unfair and I don't think giving one your students tickets to
see a musical with you if very professional....
‹goodfornothing› says:   11 September 2011   705838  
i know this may not be the answer you want to hear, but the
truth is at that stage there isn't anything wrong between your
friend's relationship with her teacher. just because he's hired to be
a teacher and she has a job as a student doesn't mean they're not
allowed to interact in a manner that seems more friendly than
teacherly. my opinion might be biased, because i go to a school where
our teachers actually take groups of students on trips to foreign
countries for weeks at a time - by this i mean that i've actually
lived with my teachers for weeks, seen them at 5 in the morning and 12
at night, gone swimming with them, and such like that. i personally
see this as perfectly acceptable especially because my college-age
friends often tell me about eating dinner at their teachers' houses
and such.
if i were you i wouldn't worry about your friend's relationship with
her teacher - UNLESS, and this is very crucial, unless it becomes
apparent that he's abusing that. if he ever tries to use her
for anything then that is entirely unacceptable and you have
cause to be worried. you know what that sort of thing would be; not
just sexual but if he's forcing her to speak him up as a better
teacher than he is or forcing her away from her friends or anything
malicious. right now, though, i'd say she's fine. it's wonderful that
you're caring as a friend but in the end she and most importantly her
parents know what is best for her.
Kirti says:   11 September 2011   210582  
I don't see how it's an issue at all- in my school, it's normal for
teachers to have students personal emails. My teachers last year gave
us their personal cellphone numbers so that we could text them for our
exam scores after school let out, and I have plenty of friends who
can't wait until they graduate, because before that teachers don't
generally add students to their friends list of facebook. Just because
you think the idea is ridiculous doesn't mean that everybody in the
world is okay with the idea of loosing touch with their favorite
teachers forever after they move on to college.

Email is a good way for teacher to make sure their classes are up to
speed, and to let parents (as well as students) ask questions about
assignments. The fact teachers send "schedules, changes, etc. to their
personal e-mails" is more than anything because high schoolers
generally only have one email. 

As for him spending time with the parents, if a few adults get along,
does it really matter that much if they met through their daughter?

I really don't understand where the jump between "recognizing a
teacher-student relationship that is different from your own
experiences" and "creepy" was for you.
tiggerlemon101 says:   11 September 2011   358049  
I don't know, maybe it's just the way my school/board operates.  Like
@animeaquamarinemermaid noted, apparently there are more strict
rules in this board.  I think it's actually more to protect the
teachers than the students, because if they're hanging out outside of
school, the kid could say that something happened and it totally
didn't, but who are the authorities going to believe when the teacher
has absolutely no case for themselves?

That's what it is with the classroom thing.  In ten minutes alone
together, the student could walk out of the room and say that the
teacher was abusing them or whatnot.

@HarryismyHero I kind of agree with you guys; student-teacher
rules shouldn't have to be that harsh because I have honestly never
experienced a malicious/manipulative teacher in my life, but things
happen all the time.  I think it would be great if kids could
be friends with their teachers, but hey, I don't make the rules.

And, like I said, I have a feeling after reading your comments that my
board has way more strict rules than all of yours.
@SheLuvsMusic That's exactly what it's like.  I don't
know, it just seems weird.  I've never heard of anyone else having
that sort of relationship with a teacher. 
fireonthemountain says:   12 September 2011   769960  
It seems like your school is pretty strict, but anyway. I see no
problem with this at all. Unless, as Clare said, it becomes dangerous.
bit if it isn't. what the hell. At my school everyone calls teacher by
their first names, and teacher-student relationships are based on
trust and responsibility, not the teacher being unconditionally
superior to the students. When I was in fifth grade, I really liked my
teacher and she is still one of the best teachers I've had. I used to
email her every so often and still go back to the middle school to
visit somethines. A teacher I had last year was one of the coolest
teachers ever. He was the advisor of a slam poetry club I was in, and
he and a few of us went to open mics and stuff together outside of
school. People are way too paranoid about this kind of stuff nowadays.
The way I see it, people are people, and should be allowed to interact
outside of their social statuses/jobs.
tiggerlemon101 says:   12 September 2011   441047  
Re: The foreign countries thing.
We do that, too, and I guess you could say on those sort of trips the
rules are more lax and it's more of a "hanging out" kind of thing, but
it never lead to texting/e-mailing/hanging out once we got home.

That is so cool!  You're really lucky.
I agree that people are paranoid but honestly they have good reason to
be.  Allegations of sexual misconduct in schools are steadily on the
Kirti says:   12 September 2011   540644  
I think I know what you mean, but it isn't inappropriate. Especially
in subjects like art and music, teachers have to be on the look out
for what students are just there to impress colleges and which are
their because they have talents they need to learn to use. I've seen
the same think happening in my choir, and I think you have it
backwards- the students aren't getting solos because they're the
teachers favorites, the teacher favor them because they have the
potential to sing solos. 
‹Cowards•Are•Golden› says:   12 September 2011   896653  
It is inappropriate when you start to HANG OUT with your students. For
example: inviting them to a party. That's what happened in my little
explanation. The musical was just one instance. And if you knew my
teacher, you'd know it's a favoritism thing. She chooses the same
people over and over who can't even sing(and it's not just me that
says that, believe me), and puts her daughter in as the lead in the
musical twice in row? That's favoritism. She also puts her daughters
friends in for the solos. It's not because of their "talent". If you
knew her, you'd get it. I don't expect you to understand because you
don't, but I'm not the only one saying so. I'd say three fourths of my
choir agree with me on this. 
‹SqueeneyTodd› says:   12 September 2011   218643  
It's true. Music and theatre teachers do pick favorites. One of our
theatre teachers admitted to one of the students that, once he saw who
was auditioning, he had pretty much picked out who would get which
tiggerlemon101 says:   12 September 2011   629178  
What's weird about this guy for me is that he behaves like that with
all of them- not just his "favourites" or the ones with the most
Kirti says:   12 September 2011   192649  
Doing it with all his students equally makes it even less creepy
‹SqueeneyTodd› says:   13 September 2011   732075  
Yeah, if he was just doing this with one student, it would feel a lot
‹Roni<3› says:   13 September 2011   816026  
The music teacher in mah school got fired for fucking the drummer
tiggerlemon101 says :   13 September 2011   717486  
Thus why this kind of stuff is necessary.

I agree it makes it a little less creepy, but it makes it more injust
and gives these kids an even bigger ego than they already have.  Kids
who attend this school think they are "special" anyways, because
according to them they're all going to be Broadway superstars. 
Now, not only that, but because they are so special they get to have
student/teacher relationship boundaries adjusted for their fancy. 


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