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This diary entry is written by Biihtei. ( View all entries )
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I know, I'm horribleCategory: (general)
Monday, 13 December 2010
07:05:28 PM (GMT)
but that bitch got herself pregnant.
stupid father.
This is all YOUR fault! gaH!  I don't WANT another siblnig-I don't WANT to be part of
their family.
Why is it i'm ALWAYS the last person to hear this shit? I'm your effing
well, or should I say son?
I'm deciding if when i'm legal age-if i'll be taking testosterone-I hear they come in
And i'll effing kill myself before I become part of her family.
gah i'm such a baby, i cried, ...CRIED. I haven't done that in FOREVER.
but then when i got home i punched the wall so bleah, then my hand hurt for a
while-better then grabbing the oh so tempting scissors that were right next to me the
entire time, I don't give a shiz if father suspects or thinks I wanna be a guy
anymore-it's the truth, I do. And i might take testosterone just to piss him off
now-and im'ma try to convince him to let me get my hair cut short-really short-like
when i had when i was 10- above the ears. When every day i was mistaken as a guy-and
loved it!
And why do I bother raping on this bind every day and working so hard to make my
voice lower and make my hair look shorter if i'm going to go put bows in my hair and
wear girly clothes. 
Differently a queergender fagot.
but i love it all the same. <333
we're suppose to be moving this weakened-so i've been packing-hence why i haven't
been on....
I am liek-gahh . so. depressed. I want to be a boy so bad now, it kills me.
Especially since that whore that got pregnant-I just look down on girls now-and find
them so disgusting. I Don't even want to hang out with my normal friends
anymore-lately...I've been finding myself more lonely that usual-Or wanting to hang
out with my friends that my closer friends say aren't good/real friends. bleahh I dun
care anymore. I feel....rebellious.
I wanna brake something, or just...gah, I dunno.
I've been so physically and verbally abusive to people lately it's not even funny-I
got so pissed of yesterday while I was packing, I just snapped and hit my sister with
a wire coat hanger and made her cry while i yelled at her.
my god, I should like-go fall down a well or something.
but even more so, Every time we get in a car-I'm constantly hoping we'll get in a car
accident-theres been so much snow lately-snow and wind. we didn't even have school
Also- what makes me even more of  jerk- I hope it's a miscarriage.
Again! One day I was actually HOPING dear father would get in a car accident and die
so my grandmother would have to take me in or my birthmother would have to be found
and I'd have to live with her.
but i don't even know anymore.
I just want to be alone.
go to school.
and learn to drive.
I hate being so 'poor'.


‹•TheUltimateHipster;Poland•› says:   13 December 2010   586986  
That's awful. D:< They really should've been more careful if they HAD
to do.. That... Erm, anyway. 
I can't believe they would not be careful, especially if you don't
have the money to bring another baby into the world! And the stress on
the older siblings of course, I'm sorry, but do they even think!?!

Honestly, when my mother told me she was  preggo, I was screaming at
her in my mind. I thought she was so stupid, we are SO poor, we don't
have the money, why would they do this to my older brother and I. I
hated her for a long time, thinking that it could have been
prevented... Actually, sometimes I still think like that. They were
stupid for not being careful, and though my mother says that she
wouldn't trade my little sister for anything in the world, it doesn't
hide the pain of being poor. Or the want of certain things, or the
sound of her crying when she thinks I'm asleep... 
Yeah, I'm going nowhere with this, so I'll just stop... ._.
‹Moi→Nerd is in Despair› says:   14 December 2010   843510  
I know you may have been thinking about a sex change for a long time,
but often there things are irreversible - don't change your life to
rebel against him, then nobody wins. If you have a successful life,
you will feel proud of yourself, and it's very rewarding. But do it
for yourself, not for him.
‹Naff the Raff› says:   14 December 2010   692535  
i have no clue :o
Biihtei says :   16 December 2010   506204  
@  azuresky1231 :
yeah :/
thats almost exactly how i was thinking...

@  KawaiiKoneko :
Yeah-honestly, I even told 2 of my friends that today-'cuz they've
been wondering why i've been so down lately and i finnaly told them
but I also told them that even though i'm still mad-i'm just gonna
look past it and go on with my life.

@  nathan77  :
dude, your awesome C:
but thanks. 
&& sometimes i don't have a clue either so it's all good in the hood,
i guess. 
 sssssss all arounddd :> 


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