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This diary entry is written by ‹<3OurGODisLOVE!!<3›. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: Diary 28 July 2010 in category (general)

I don't know how to fix me.Category: (general)
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
01:01:21 AM (GMT)
So I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix me. I'm tired of living the way
I do. I want the pain to go away I want everything to be perfect, I want a boy friend
and great friends. I want to hang out with them every weekend and to sleep over and
gossip like the old times. I want to be happy, I want to live my life, I wanna have
fun. I just don't know how to. All the people I have cared about most have left me
(besides you Sarah, your the only exception). They won't talk to me, who knows if
they will still look at me at school. I just don't know who is going to stay around
anymore. I don't know who I can count on to always be there for me. Each time someone
has left me it's hurt more and more. That pain makes all the little pain seem stupid.
I constantly find myself trying to keep busy, so I don't think about the painful
things. But when I actually do it just makes it worse. It hurts even more to avoid
it, but I'm so used todoing that, that I'm not sure how to not do it anymore. And to
top it all off I'm not the best at describing how I feel, outloud anyway. I don't
know how to express how I feel or say how I feel to really anyone. And it hurts
sometimes. Especially when I'm on the phone with my mom and she's crying I don't know
how to tell her it's okay, I try but it just feels and sounds awkward. I don't know
how to calm my baby sister down when she's next to me in the bed crying and scared to
death, instead of being sincere and nice about it, I'm mean to her and then later I
feel bad and apologize but I can never change and try to be nice again cuz it just
doesn't sound like I mean it when I say it, even tho I do. I just don't know how to
fix me.

‹Cowards•Are•Golden› says:   29 July 2010   199941  
Ashlea, it'll get better. It will.
‹<3OurGODisLOVE!!<3› says :   5 August 2010   438905  
I believe lol


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