Sunday, 16 May 2010
10:47:05 PM (GMT)
well. I really can't seem to write anything that makes sense.
I don't know what to do. I pray that I have guidance, and that what I do is what is
the right thing. I pray that no matter what happens or how things seem that God is
in control and things will turn out as he wants them too. I know that we are all in
the palm of his hand. That he loves us dearly and in such depth that none of us can
understand. As I talk to Him I often return to those whom I love so dearly. So, so
dearly I have wept for love of them. When things look their worst for them my heart
is so heavy that I expect it to simply stop beating.
What do I do, my God? What do you wish for me to do? No matter what I will worship,
I will give thanks, I will have faith. I long not to be a blind follower. I have
seen enough that I should be able to keep faith even if I often no longer see what
your plan is. By all means that is the definition of faith, not having to see in
order to believe.
I do not see what is happening now, no. But I have seen what happened in the past, I
have seen marvelous things, I have seen kept promises and answered pleads, I have
seen seemingly unrelated events mesh together perfectly. I have felt God's love. I
have felt his presence in my heart. I have seen his mercy. First I believed and now
I see... He has built for me an anchor of faithfulness and love to me that keeps me
from wandering in the midst of the worst storms.
Still, I as most anyone am not impervious to grief, to worry, even though it is
written "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 I still feel
What is the point in what I have written? To be honest I do not know.