i seriously have no clue what's going on anymore.
it's like, one day i'm one person, the next day i'm the total opposite. i use to be
such a good little girl but ever since...last year i've just really gone down hill. i
use to never curse; oh god, i use to think it was horrible! now every word i say is
accompanied with the 'f' word. i use to read all the time, thought it was fun. now i
can't stand it. i use to get straight a's. i've been getting a lot of c's and d's
this year. i use to be all bright and colorful; i've turned into one of those creepy
scene kids that everybody's secretly afraid of. i've turned into a horrible person,
too. you should see the way i treat my friends. if i were them, i'd stay as far away
from me as possible. one of my friends thinks i'm bipolar. and you wanna know the
craziest part? i want them to be right. i want something wrong with me. i've been
trying for a year to give myself a split personality, as crazy as that seems. i want
problems. loads of them. i don't want to be normal, i don't want to live a good life.
i want something bad [nothing too bad :o no murder please!] to happen to me; get
addicted to pills, crack, weed.
i don't want to be lacey anymore. sometimes...sometimes i wish i were a guy.
seriously. i've thought long and hard about what that'd be like and i've decided it'd
be much better than the boring ass life i live now. [there i go with my swearing
again xP] i'm just so confused. i have friends telling me one thing, others telling
me another. i've already said too much. i just don't know anymore.
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