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This diary entry is written by blehmunster. ( View all entries )

thoughts in my headCategory: Feelings
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
10:38:55 PM (GMT)
Hmmmmm, Im felling kinda odd right now
Not sure if im happy or sad
Just a little in between i guess
the terrible part is
i feel this way quite often
i dont feel like doing anything
but i dont like doing nothing
i love my friends
but i wish they would leave me alone
i want life to be easier
but i want a challenge
nothing has importance to me 
but im afraid to let go
this is somehow turning into a poem
i hate wrighting poetry
i want it to stop
but i need to tell someone about my feelings
i might go over the edge if i dont
but thats happend before
so would it really matter
guess not
maybe this feeling is called numb
i dont really want another one to come in
but its times like these i wish i wasnt
i dont feel anything
and i make mistakes
hurt my friends
ignore everything around me
i make excuses to get away from everyone
then i get a feeling
im sad 
so if numbness leads to sadness
what leads to happiness
i think ive felt it before
ive seen the light
i liked it
but in the light i can see the world
and how discusting it is
this discuss leads back to numbness
which leads to sadness
which leads to mental failure
which leads to me shedding blood to regain my numbness
oh why am i so fucked up
i can see every mistake made
but i dont really care
infact i think i do this on purpose
i like to be in pain
i like to be hated
i like the attention people give me from it
i like to cry all alone
and no one reallys knows i am
i like to fail
what the fuck
why do i think about this stuff
im so damn confused
im sick of thinking
this is going to end
sooner or later
hopefully sooner
right now
im not going to type anymore right now
maybe later
but i cant handle these thoughts...

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