book excerpt #4 chapter seven; partying by myself Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 
 

This diary entry is written by angela_zach. ( View all entries )
 
Previous entry: question for people in similar situations in category toxic relationships
You can also go directly to the previous entry in category (general)

book excerpt #4 chapter seven; partying by myselfCategory: (general)
Wednesday, 13 February 2019
12:12:45 PM (GMT)
I sat on the windowsill and sipped my drink as I smoked a cigarette. I felt so alone
and
depressed. All I heard was muffled music and people chattering. But nothing was
louder than the
words Dan has said to me tonight. I feel worse than I did when Reese ditched me at
the first party
I came to. I guess I'm meant to be ditched all the time, huh.
Then the door opened and I was startled to see Nat.
“Sorry, did you have to go? I know Dan's probably still occupying the downstairs
one.”
“Uh no, actually. He's playing beer pong.” Nat says.
Just when I thought my heart reached rock bottom, it sunk even more.
“Oh.” I managed to push out.
“Are you okay?” He asks.
“I'm fine, why?” I fake a smile.
“You're all alone while everyone else is downstairs.”
“I just needed a breather. I'll be down soon.” I expected that line would've
gotten Nat to
leave me and go back downstairs; but he remained. I looked up at him.
“I'm not leaving until I know you're okay.” He sat at the other side of the
windowsill.
I finished my cigarette and pulled out another one. “Do you need to bum a cig?” I
ask.
“I'm good.”
We sat there in silence for a while, listening to the miscellaneous going on
downstairs.
Not a single word can you make out.
“Was he with anybody?” I broke the silence. “Girls? Specifically..”
“No, he was with Devon and some other beer pong dudes. Last time I checked.”
That reassured me. But I hated how he was with some losers and Devon rather than
with
his girlfriend. The one he promised he wouldn't leave alone tonight. The girl he
doesn't know is
hiding out in the upstairs bathroom with his neighbor. If Dan knew that he would kill
us both. Or
would he even care? He doesn't seem too interested in me tonight anyway. I looked
over at Nat. It
was as though he was waiting for me to look over because he turned his head so
quickly to me.
“You don't have to be here with me. I'll be fine.” I told him.
“I wanna be here. This is much more fun than being with a bunch of strangers.”
“You were just saying how they're all nice people.”

“Yeah, 'cause we're all drunk. But I know you. And I know drunk or not, you're
always
nice.”
I smirked and looked down. He kept looking at me so I looked back.
“And you're beautiful.” He continued.
I paused. The alcohol in me was absorbing this all up. It made me feel better about
myself, to be looked at the way Nat looks at me. To be told these things without any
effort. How I
wish Nat could be Dan right now. I didn't feel as beautiful as I did earlier in Dan's
bathroom, but
Nat sure was bringing me up from rock bottom. But then I looked back down.
“I'm really not.” I say, quietly.
Nat jumps off the windowsill and stands in front of me. His hand lifting my chin to
look
at him. “But you are. And it's crazy you don't believe that.”
We sat there staring at each other in silence. His eyes darted from my left to my
right eye
before looking at my lips; and I looked at his. They were thin but full. Like an
ocean wave
crashing. His breath smelled like booze and mine was probably no better. Our eyes
darted around
our faces in desire and confusion.
“We should probably go back downstairs.” I whisper as we hold eye contact.
Nat's face falls in disappointment, but he nods anyway. He helps me down off the
windowsill and we head downstairs. I look in the beer pong room to see Devon, Yvette,
and two
other people playing beer pong. There were maybe seven other people in the room with
them,
none are Dan. In the kitchen there was Anna sitting on the counter with Reese
standing between
her legs as they made out. Two girls were at the other end of the counter taking
shots. Still no
Dan.
I went down the hall where the downstairs bathroom was and knocked.
“Occupado.” Dan called.
“Dan come out. It's me, Taylor.” I say calmly.
“Busy!” He calls again. I leaned against the door and sighed. Busy doing what? I
looked
towards the living room and on the outskirts of the crowd was Nat. He was dancing
with a couple
of people who must be his new best friends of the night. Then, he caught me looking
at him and
he smiled. I just looked away and sat on the floor waiting for Dan. Stone cold
sober.
The thing is, I know why he's in the bathroom for so long. I just don't want to
accept it.

Drugs will always be a top priority. I won't ever have what Reese and Anna have,
because I'm not
in a relationship with someone who's available. I'm in a relationship with someone
who's hearts
already taken by something I can never compare to. Something that gives him a better
rush than I
ever could. Something he'll chase after before he ever tries to walk towards me. But
I'm in love
with him, and I continue to wait for him to love me more. But who knows if he ever
will.
Last edited: 13 February 2019


Comments 
Be the first to comment:
 
HTML Tips

Related Entries
TheSmarterCookie: I hate Everyone Suicide Diaries
‹the_glass_castle›: so evil
ilov2dance: im 20 % evil!! :]
down_with_teh_sickness: i am 40% evil ^w^
Zelda3443: I'm an awesome friend.


About Kupika    Contact    FAQs    Terms of Service    Privacy Policy    Online Safety
Copyright © 2005-2012