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This diary entry is written by kayleeramm1004. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: I got a B in life (updated) in category (general)

I dunno...Category: (general)
Thursday, 28 September 2017
05:59:23 PM (GMT)
Why do I hate myself?? I mean, I have the best boyfriend and a-parents and friends I
could ever ask for and I honestly have anything I could ever ask for in life...but
I'm just not happy with myself as a person. Why do I feel like this? Like, I really
shouldn't feel this way...
Sometimes I just think "how could somebody love me?" I just feel like a horrible
person for no reason..I dunno why I feel like this. I feel so ugly and disgusted with
myself but I don't know why. I mean, I'm told that I'm pretty and that I'm a great
friend and daughter, but why don't I feel that way? I know that I'm loved by my
a-parents, friends, and boyfriend but I just don't feel it sometimes..
I feel bad for my boyfriend because I always somehow feel as if I don't deserve him.
He's so sweet and kind and he does so much for me, and I really do appreciate it, but
I feel like I don't deserve his kindness. I'm always thinking about how he could love
me...I'm so ugly and I've hurt him before, but not on purpose, and he still loves me
like he's never been hurt...he trusts me with almost everything he has and I don't
think I deserve it...he think I'm pretty/beautiful and I just don't see it...he
doesn't notice my flaws and even if he does he doesn't acknowledge them, but I see
them all the time...
My a-parents think I'm the greatest daughter in the world but I feel like I can just
be so selfish sometimes, but it's not like I mean to be...They're the best a-parents
anyone can ask for...I don't think I do enough to show them that they mean the world
to me and that I wouldn't be where I am without them. They expect so much from me and
I feel like I can't meet their expectations and it hurts me because I want to be the
person they see me as, but I feel like I just can't...what is wrong with me?
I don't feel like I'm smart enough to do what it takes to succeed in life...I'm
always putting myself down because I was always put down by my peers when I was
younger, so now I really believe the things they told me...I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm
too emotional, nobody could love me, I'm too shy, I'm annoying...and the list goes on
and on...
Nobody knows what you're going through unless they're living your life in your
shoes...nobody knows who your parents are or how they act towards you behind closed
doors unless they're also your parents...nobody knows anything about what's going
through your head when something is said to or about you by people that you thought
were your friends...maybe this is why I'm so fucked up
My bio-parents did this to me, my so-called friends did this to me, my peers at
school and in my neighborhood in the town I grew up in did this to me...and now I'm
doing it to myself as the result...
I shouldn't let others influence how I think of myself, and neither should anyone
else...it's wrong to make people think there is something wrong with them because of
the things others said to or about them....
Shit like this is not okay, and I still think there's something wrong with me because
of those people...I'll always have this fucked up way of thinking because of the
things said to and about me...why does this have to happen? To me? To anyone? Why do
people think this is okay? I guess nobody can answer that question unless you're the
one that is fucking up the way people view themselves and the people around them...

Ivanhoe whispers :   1 October 2017   477534  
Fight it Girl!!!    You can beat this

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