Chaptahh one bitchhesss! Read it upp! Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 

This diary entry is written by autumn_leaves_for_him. ( View all entries )

Chaptahh one bitchhesss! Read it upp!Category: Story.
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
09:47:54 PM (GMT)
Light blinded me as I finally lifted my eyelids after a gasp of air. Drops of water
constantly fell onto my tan skin for I had realized it was rain. There was no sight
of sky except for the little sections seeping through the tall trees. Where was I? 
I sat up from the muddy puddle beneath me and stared at my bare feet. Wringing out my
dark hair, I looked around me. Everyone was laying down, eyes completely shut. I had
no idea what was happening, shocked from what I was witnessing. All I was wearing was
a dirty floral dress, now ripped at my rib and towards the bottom. As I began to get
up, I nearly tripped, holding onto a tree to save my fall. 
The mud was deep, slipping through my toes within each step. Suddenly, I heard a
scream and began to walk faster. Stopping when I felt solid land, I noticed a girl in
the distance sitting up. Should I hold my ground or run? Watching her very closely,
she got up and began to sprint. Her hair, darker than mine, flew over her face. This
scared me even more. I started to move. 
Jumping over bodies and taking every moment I could to catch a breath, she was
getting closer. The sound of her breath got louder until I fell. Two hands had
brought me down and I had given up. The hair covering her face was soon behind her,
revealing what she looked like. 
There, she looked at me in shock for at least thirty seconds. This gave me a chance
to recognize her remarkable features and blue eyes. Soon I realized she had become
weka. I took control and pinned her to the ground. 
“Who are you?!” My voice bothered me. I repeated myself, “Who are you?!”
She was obviously confused, trying to wiggle out of my grip. By these signs, I began
to wonder. Did she not understand my words? 
After all her movement, she gave up and pouted. I grabbed her face, squishing her
cheeks together to watch a tear slowly slide down the sides. As I let go, I got off
of her body and sat up next to her. After sitting up too, she smiled at me and held
my hand to her forehead. I took that as respect and nodded. I thought fast and knew
what I now had to do from  what I remember. We had to find something to eat and
somewhere to stay. As I looked over to the girl next to me, she watched my movements
very closely as I got up.

branches says:   9 October 2012   575380  
A lot of the sentences are put together awkwardly. There's nothing
grammatically incorrect, but it seems like you're trying to accomplish
a lot at once. Also, I'd put some attention into the main characters
thoughts/feelings/what-have-you as well as describing the
Good luck. c:
autumn_leaves_for_him says:   9 October 2012   360370  
thank you so much!
‹forevayoung10› says:   10 October 2012   467850  
autumn_leaves_for_him says :   11 October 2012   320134  
thanks :3 


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