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This diary entry is written by SwingingInTheRain. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: I'm not sure. in category (general)

It's gone.Category: (general)
Sunday, 5 February 2012
04:22:46 PM (GMT)
This morning I literally logged on to Facebook to actually change my relationship
status to "in a relationship" because I can't trust myself anymore. I used to be able
to leave it on single and tell guys I was talking to to fuck off because I have a
boyfriend, but not anymore. 
I can't even trust myself to remember. Once the feelings start to fade, it doesn't
feel like a relationship. I don't feel like if I made out with someone else right
now, I would be doing a moral wrong. I don't feel like if he left me, it would be
that big of a deal. 
I feel like I'm in the same boat Paige is in, something has changed. I spent over
half of last year hung up on this boy, crying myself to sleep because of him, and now
I have him, and it still doesn't feel right. "I love you" feels empty. 
Derek seems like a good option. 
Chance seems like a good option.
Jon seems like a good option.
People that aren't Michael seem like good options, and that's not okay. I'm with
Michael because I keep hoping that what we had before will come back. That when I
think of him, I'll get that fluttery feeling in my stomach. That when people mention
him, l'll blush. I want being in love back, so bad. And also, he kind of has a piece
of me. Paige knows what I mean, and I don't really think Im ready to leave him and
that piece behind yet. After all, even if it meant nothing, it still means something.

I'm living in a pretend world here, and I don't know what to do about it. 

Not to mention the fact that he deserves to go to jail for life for all the things
he's done, and is doing.
Yup, that's right. My boyfriend's a criminal.

‹Ⓐnn4☯L0vΣ☣› says:   6 February 2012   526029  
If you ever feel like venting, you know how to contact me. I have
been in your shoes and listened to other people who have been as well.
It's painful. It made me feel like I was literally crying on the
inside. Nowadays, I can't cry anymore because I have shed too many
tears in my past. My face remains dry. And this time, I am alone. I
want to be able to call someone "mine" again. I want to be able to
know that where I belong is in his arms and that I will always be
welcome there. I want the words "I love you" to leave me feeling light
headed and surreal. I miss it. But for right now, I need to live
without it. 
Like I said, if you need to talk, I go on every day. 
(Yeah, thats how pathetic my life has gotten. XD)
SwingingInTheRain says :   6 February 2012   727845  
Random strangers showing kindness. 
I like that shit.
Life's a bitch, we get by.
Message me? 

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