Monday, 14 November 2011
01:07:20 PM (GMT)
I used to wonder what she was talking about.
She said she heard voices.
I never once thought she was crazy.
I knew she was different.
There are people in this world that act as sort of a bridge between our world and the
The bitch of it is, those people get diagnosed as having schizophrenia.
I'm not a doctor, and I can't diagnose who has it and who doesn't, but in my opinion,
medicine can't explain everything.
Doctors try their best to put a label on everything and explain it, but if you once
tell them about something paranormal that has truly happened to you, then you are
either going to be put in a mental hospital or they are going to ignore you.
It's a bit annoying.
Schizophrenia - "is a mental disorder characterized by a disintegration of thought
processes and of emotional responsiveness. It most commonly manifests itself as
auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and
thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction.
The onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood, with a global lifetime
prevalence of about 0.3–0.7%. Diagnosis is based on observed behavior and the
patient's reported experiences."
Diagnosis of this condition depends completely on the patients reports, and has
nothing to do with what the doctor can determine about someone.
To me, this seems a little fishy.
The main symptom of it is auditory hallucinations, as science likes to put it. Also
know as "hearing voices".
What if this condition doesn't exist.
If doctors didn't put a name on it, would it?
Think about it.
If you heard voices that no one else did, wouldn't you have a hard time thinking
clearly and speaking? "disorganized speech and thinking"
If you were cast out as being different, and no one understood you, wouldn't you stay
away from people? "social or occupational dysfunction"
If you were too young to understand that what you heard is different, would you not
notice the symptoms until young adulthood regardless?
I am not pretending that schizophrenia doesn't exist, it has been proven that most of
those diagnosed with it have different brain waves and different sizes of regions of
the brain, proving that their brain works differently.
All I am saying is that maybe a lot of perfectly normal, albeit different, people get
diagnosed with it when all they really need is a better understanding of what they
see and experience, accompanied with someone to listen and care for them.
What if those voices aren't hallucinations at all?
What if they exist, to everyone, but so few people hear them, that science had to
come up with an explanation so they don't look foolish without an answer?
They do exist.
I hear them.
I have always heard them, but I didn't always notice them.
That's the difference with me.
Jesse always noticed.
They got louder, they bothered her.
I'm sure the traumatic experiences didn't help to soften them.
Now I hear them, mostly in the mornings, when it is quiet.
Just a faint static, a soft vibration that is neither close nor distant.
Inside this vibration, they whisper, but I can only hear faint traces of
I have asked for this.
When I meditate, I ask for things, often things that Jesse doesn't want me to.
I do it for her.
I honestly believe that the only reason she is doing so much better at the moment is
because I have offered myself.
I ask for the things that bother her to go away, but if that isn't an option, that I
will be available to take some of them for myself.
I think it is working.
The voices have gotten a bit louder, but not much.
Not nearly enough to hinder my day to day life.
But maybe enough to keep them at bay for her.
Jesse, I can't tell you whether or not you are schizophrenic.
I am not a doctor.
We can get you tested, I will find a way to help you pay for it.
But honestly what will it solve?
I know you just want to know for sure, but what will be different?
You will still hear them.
You will still see them.
You will still be different.
You will still be able to understand things that others don't.
The only difference is they will probably load you up with powerful medication, maybe
throw you in a mental hospital, and you will carry around a medical record with
"SCHIZOPHRENIC" in big red letters.
I know you've heard this before, but here is my answer.
You are special.
You are different.
You are one of the few people in this world that has a strong connection with those
who have passed on.
The voices you hear are real.
They are real people that have moved on from this world.
I don't think they have made it all the way though, I feel like they are trapped.
They are not aware of where they are, or that they are dead in most cases.
They are confused, and you are one of the few people that can help them truly move on
and have peace.
This isn't your burden.
But you have an opportunity to help those that others don't even know exist.
Think about it.
If the voices are too much, I can make them leave.
I have proven that.
I don't know how to explain it, but I asked for them to leave, and for two months,
they were quiet.
They listened to me, and they will do it again, but only if you want them to leave.
I can do nothing if you want them to stay, as you do now, but if you ever need help,
we can work together.
Schizophrenia doesn't explain Brittany.
You told me the name of one of my best friends that had been dead for two years.
You told me how she died.
You told me what she looked like.
You told me about the person that sold her the heroin that killed her.
I never knew his name.
You told me about random memories her and I had together, that you would have never
As far as I know, there are no symptoms of this disorder that are listed as "patients
can communicate with dead spirits and divulge facts that would seem impossible for
them to know".
Maybe you are schizophrenic.
After all, you have been through a lot.
But don't for a second think that you aren't different.
Don't for a second think that you don't have a gift.
Brittany is proof.
She holds your hand whenever you call for her, yet you have never even seen her face
in this world.
THAT isn't schizophrenia.
That is a gift that I would gladly take from you, along with all the other
What about Charlotte?
A woman you were so close to in life, and you have physically seen her twice after
The second time, I was there.
I know that you saw her, I saw the look in your eyes.
Then shortly after that, I felt the strongest presence I have ever felt.
Schizophrenia doesn't explain that.
You can tie lose ends and make connections all you want, but to me it is not
explained by anyone in the medical field.
You told me someone was there in your room.
You physically saw her.
She was laying by your desk.
You took a picture of her.
She looked at you for a while, then she just vanished.
You sent me the picture.
She is there, sleeping, clear as day.
I still have that picture and always will, as a reminder to how different you are.
Spirits trust you.
They pick up on what is different about you, and they feel comfortable enough to
completely show themselves around you.
If you get tested, take that picture with you.
Ask their opinion.
If you get an honest answer, or if they believe for a second that she wasn't an
actual person, then I will pay you 100 dollars.
They can't explain it.
I can't either, but it sure as hell isn't schizophrenia that made some translucent
being appear in your room and somehow show up on camera.
If it was all in your head, as schizophrenia is clearly defined as, then apparently
your brain made the picture develop with a person in it.
I highly doubt that.
THESE THINGS ARE REAL.
YOU ARE TRULY GIFTED.
If this gift is something you don't want, then ask for it to go away.
Ask for me to have it.
I want it.
I have all my life wanted to be able to communicate with those who have passed, to
see things others don't, to understand the world that lies beyond death.
I will gladly take it in a heartbeat.
I don't think being diagnosed as schizophrenic is going to solve any of your
problems, because to me they aren't problems.
They are blessings.
Maybe they are hard to understand and bothersome and we can work on that.
I am always here to listen and offer my opinions.
I just wish my opinions held a little more weight, then maybe I could convince you to
embrace how different you are.
I know it's hard, and I haven't walked in your shoes, so I can't make judgements like
Just know that I want to help you, and if it is ever too much, just ask.
I did it before, I can do it again.
and what about me?
I hear them too. "auditory hallucinations"
I feel the presence of unseen things around me, feel them touch my skin, though I
can't see them.
I pick up on the emotions of individuals that I have never seen or known.
I have "social dysfunction". I can't be around a lot of people, or people I don't
I haven't gotten a job simply because my brain doesn't seem to function well around
groups of strangers, and the idea of doing so honestly frightens me. "occupational
I have unreasonable, terrible thoughts. I get worried about every little thing. I get
paranoid that those around me are out to get me and don't care about me. Or that
unlikely events are inevitably going to occur, or that the worst outcome is sure to
happen eventually. "Paranoid or bizarre delusions"
I often have thoughts that are painful.
Sometimes it seems like parts of my brain don't connect, and when I try to have a
thought or understand, it is impossible for it to happen.
It feels like my brain is going to explode and that for some reason, my mind isn't
working right. "disintegration of thought processes" and "disorganized ... thinking"
I am no doctor.
I never will be.
Science is too straight forward for me.
It can never explain everything, unless they start realizing that paranormal events
DO occur, and are very real.
You might be schizophrenic, you might not, we can find out.
But I guess if you are, then I have to be as well.
I hear them too.
You aren't alone in this, at all.
I love you, Jesse.
Last edited: 14 November 2011