Monday, 27 December 2010
03:47:59 AM (GMT)
I'm just writing,
not for the pleasure of it,
but more for the fact that maybe these thoughts will go away.
at least till new years.
Christmas is a time of joy, love, and merry bliss.
yet all I wanted to do both Christmas eve and day,
was go die in a hole. literally.
don't get me wrong, I wouldn't actually do that.
but, I felt like it would be ten times better then this crap.
being surrounded by people I love just set my mind on -depressed-.
maybe in that hole I could figure things out,
and not have people telling me every two seconds to talk,
or how I've changed, or how much I've grown, or how much I've lost in weight.
that didn't help. put the spot light on some other child.
I've had a rough couple years
and it seems to me it's just gonna get worse.
2009 dealt with death and pain.
2010 dealt with heartbreak and confusion.
2011 seems to have no hope in my eyes.
really, it's just going to be trial and tribulation throughout that year.
just pure hell really.
I'm hoping that I am delightfully wrong.
but I have major doubts.
you'd think that keeping your secrets would be amazing,
god, you couldn't be more wrong.
some people want to know what your hiding,
some feel like they could help with the things thats burdening you,
and some know that you need to let go.
but, you see, we're all stubborn once in a while .
and keep them all from that person/people.
then, they slowly begin to give up.
wondering every day if you're really there for them,
or wondering if you'll every tell them.
once the give up fully,
they leave you,
down in the dirt.
abandoned by the person you though would never, ever, leave you.
feels great right?
actually, no .
feels pretty much like you've got hit in the heart with a couple arrows.
-- I am aware that a, b and c are not numbers .
but, thanks for reading my mind vomit.
seems to come and go as it pleases .
Last edited: 27 December 2010