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My fault, or others?Category: (general)
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
05:12:35 AM (GMT)
I do NOT know what is wrong with me! Guys, I wonder if I complain too much. My mom
always gets pissed at me because I say: "I don't like my hair today..." But I am
saying this while I'm fixing it in the mirror! Then one day I'm like starving to
death and I say: "Hey mom can we go to Panda? I'm like starving..." (Panda Express)
Of course, she is all like find something to eat! Or just walks away while leaving
'invisible bombs' (as I call them) and if I say one word she'll 'blow up' and go in a
storm of rage! But then when my brothers ask to go to McDonalds she all like get your
shoes on or, if you clean your room or empty the dishwasher and we'll go. How unfair
is that?! I mean come on? I don't each much at all. WHY yell at MWAH?! >:O Ya kno
guys? ALSO! One day I want to get some new bras okay? A need right? Mom even
suggested it yesterday, well I hang around her because I'm too scared to ask her
because she might get mad at me! Now I just wait until we're near Wal-mart or Target
some shit like that... Then ask and wait for an answer.I want to cry...but I can't
let people see me because I will be talked about behing my back or infront of me!
(This shit happenin at home) I will be called a bitch. They say I'm sulking, pouting,
bitchy, being a wuss. Yeah but really all I'm being is depressed, trapped, alone,
dead, frustrated. I can't do that in the 'safety' of my own home?! Or how about this
one day my mom is puttin me to work and I'm pissed. 1. Because my fucking brothers
are fighting like 'demons'. As a result mom said we can't go to the pool. I am like
why can't we go to the pool?! She just looks at me because I know why...2. Because
she is puttin me to work. WHAT THE HELL?! She is just bein a bitch. I'm not even
fighting! So when I'm done with my work I go outside and sit in the middle of my
backyard. It is really pretty out and nature cools me down. So I lay down in the
grass and feel good for the first time that day. Away from everyone in that mad
house. Then I hit the full relax point looking up at the clouds and the warm sun is
beating o my skin...Here comes my mom: "You sulking?!" I said no and was saying I
like being outside and it feels good, the sun, clouds, nature. Of course she don't
believe me and says go for a walk to the school. WHAT THE FUCK! You making me take a
walk with the fucking demons who didn't allow us to go to the damn pool?! She forces
me and then we make friends. But deep down I had a feeling in the pit of my heart
that made me want to rip out my heart and stab it out of anger! Please sympathize or
empathyize...or just respond! I hope I'm not asking for too much! I feel so alone...
depressed... dead inside... trapped in a field of bombs... like I can only rely on
strangers to ease my pain... <

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