Paola, its better explaining things in long paragraphs when im not
under pressure.
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This diary entry is written by ‹silhouette♥dreɑmer›. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: cause im mean >:) :/ x in category (general)

Paola, its better explaining things in long paragraphs when im not
under pressure.
Category: (general)
Saturday, 16 January 2010
08:28:58 PM (GMT)
What bothers me the most if how you can be a hypocrit.
You can change the subject and run away from the conversation and I cant?
Seriously?! Your actually BOTHERING to go there?
You may have a shit family life but its not all about you.
Maybe I am going to regret this arguement.
But it only opens my eyes.
I liked us better when we first met.
I dont care if it's my fault.
Fall out make a friendship stronger but I don't think I could ever recover again.
And if your BOTHERING to actually tell anyone about wthis arguement then it shows how
low you can sink.
Cause I'm even doubting us right now.
I'm doubting if anything would ever be normal again.
And even before this arguement, I still felt there was something wrong
Because I know our last arguement was all my fault.
But you actually told me, "Just remember Kelc, Ialways  tell you everything."
And yeh, I might be a hypocrit but you think im actually blind.
you think I dont notice anything.
I say what even when I know and you tell me its nothing
you change the subject each time and when I do the same you complain.
whats between us should stay between us not anybody elses business to bother.
I'm typing this on kupika because Its easier to type longer paragraphs when I'm not
under pressure.
And I really dont need this.
And I know, this arguement is pointless a stupid.
I'd be willing to be friends but it wouldnt be the same and I couldnt recover.
It's not the same anymore.
I want to put this behind me but we both know it wont be the same.
And there was a time when I once thought you didnt like me.
I always make mistakes so lets add this to the list, why not.
Oh, and by telling Jon about the arguement made me get into an arguement with him.
But that was mainly about not talking to a month but HEY, I bet he already told you.
So, whatever.

‹silhouette♥dreɑmer› says:   16 January 2010   726669  
And just for the record, I never tell anyone secrets no matter how
much I hate them or fell out with them. I kept the 1 persons secret
who I hate the most. I just hope you could do the same. x
‹MorningDreamer♥› says:   16 January 2010   278173  
Wow, really Kelc? I can't even tell Jonathon about our conversation?
Doesn't  matter that it involves him. No, who cares about that.
Doesn't matter that he's my best friend. No, that doesn't matter
either. And did you ever even consider that he just wanted to say hi
or something cause you two haven't talked in ages?! Jon and me can't
be friends now?! And running away from a coversation?! Really?! All I
said was lets change subjects! You said "Maybe I should I ignore you
for 4 more days" But you know what, you wanna bitch just cause I liked
Jonathons for maybe a week?! And FYI when you used to ask about my
crush and I'd say I didn't wanna tell you who it was, it wasn't
Jonathon! I already got over him! I told you who it was, if you even
remember his name. Which you probably don't. But it doesn't matter
cause I'm with Thomas and happier than ever. Its your fault we started
fighting Kelc and you know it. You acted like a cold bitch when I
trusted you enough to tell you about me and Thomas! So ya know what, I
don't give a fuck anymore! Being my friend means being here for the
bad too! When things get hard you can't just give up! But what can I
expect. You're just like everyone else in my life, always looking at
the bad shit I've done and freaking out. You're willing to give up our
friendship cause of one arguement? Shows you never cared. You think
you don't need this?! Try living my life for one day Kelc. You know
what I had to do yesterday?! Stay up until 3 AM cleaning and painting
the damn house! And I didn't even eat anything the whole day! I was
ready to pass out, but my dad didn't give a damn. I don't need you
adding drama to my fucking life Kelc. If this sounds mean, I can't say
I care anymore. Cause you obviously don't if you're willing to stop
being my friend over an arguement you think is "pointless and stupid"
Wish you could have been different than everyone who I've met. I
really thought you'd be the friend to stick with me even when I made
mistakes, I thought you'd always be there. But you turned out to be
like everyone else. Always leaving if it got too hard... Thanks Kelc.
‹silhouette♥dreɑmer› says:   16 January 2010   228256  
No what bothered to me was you lied to me. and ACTUALLY FYI you DIDNT
STRAIGHT. and no because its none of his business. did i say you
couldnt be friends? NO. i said dont bother telling him cause its
between you and me and noone else. And I realise my flaws. I REALISE
that some of this is my fault but LYING to me is one thing. I was
always there for you and I know you were to me. But I neveer said I
was willing to give up our friendship. I said I dont think I'd
recover. You dont even knwo me. You dont know half of my life. You
think my life is happy happy happy families? well its not. I never
told you half of my life. Cause I knew you wouldnt like me if I did. I
knew having you as a friend would be too good to be true. But you knwo
what, if this doesnt matter to you either, then fine. I knew that if I
told you who I really was that you'd abandon me as a friend. I knew
you would hate me for who I am. And you know, being someone else was
good for some time. But your not even bothering to say any of this is
not even 1/1000 your fault? I may not have told you about who I was
but I have a reason. You didnt. So dont bother about me. I was trying
to protect you. You know that. You even told me. but was that another
lie? And whenever you ask me im fine, im most probably not. Theres
another flaw im admitting to. I never say how I rly feel. But now I am
cause who i was wasnt me. You dont know anything about me. I realise
ive been bitchy in our arguements but your bitch can show alot too.
Not once did I see a word about your own fault. Dont bother replying.
Its obvious you hate me and obvious you dont want to be friends. I
stuck up for you through thick and thin and if that doesnt mean
anything then so be it. But if I was in need you wouldnt be able to
help me even if you had 1 little bit of consideration left to spare
for me. Dont reply, I dont think I can handle it and even recover
again. Youve made it obvious. x
‹MorningDreamer♥› says:   16 January 2010   904504  
You know what Kelc?! I'll admit half of this was my fault, and yes, I
didn't come on for four days, but when I came back on you acted
completely cold and mean. And you expect me to know that you're
lying?! How would I know?! And how could I possibly hate you for being
you?! I've stolen, I've cut, I've drank alcohol, I've done so much
shit I'm ashamed of and told you about it, but you couldn't trust me
enough to tell me about your life?! And you were seriously talking
about fucking honesty?!?! You say I'm hypocritical, but do you see
what you're writing?! And how the hell did I even lie to you? And
you're saying you can't recover, obviously shows you don't care enough
to try.
‹silhouette♥dreɑmer› says:   16 January 2010   481743  
And no cause now I know you hate me.
And your not the only one being cold. Ive seen the way you acted ages
ago dont ask me to prove it.
And no I had a reason for hiding who I was. I knew you wouldnt accept
who I was cause its so typical for someone to once hear who i am and
just hate me from then onwards.
And I know, but I admitt my flaws. I know I can be mean. But who I am
online isnt who I am in real life. And you dont think I feel ashamed
of things Ive done?
And I cant explain how bad it is cause youll obviously beat it.
Im not gonna bother writing the rest of what I think.
Either way, its not gna match up to your expectations.
So, have it your way.
You can say I'm giving up.
But its because I cant seem to get my point across.
No matter what it is you manage to make me feel bad.
And you say I dont care? alright then.
bye x
‹MorningDreamer♥› says:   16 January 2010   735277  
Its not about beating each other on who has a worse life Kelc! I
don't hate you! Why can't you just tell me who you are in real life? I
want to be friends, I don't want to make you feel bad. But it feels
like you're giving up. I'm sorry ok?! I know its probably too late for
apoligies, but whatever.
‹silhouette♥dreɑmer› says:   16 January 2010   202077  
Thats one reason why I cant be friends.
Its too late to apologise and as much as I can I wouldnt be able to be
who I was.
And I cant and I wont.
And you must have a hard time putting forward the message you actually
want to give rather than the message of hating me.
‹MorningDreamer♥› says:   16 January 2010   319297  
I don't hate you. I'm just pissed off. I'm pissed off that everyone I
always care about ends up leaving! My mom, my uncle, Cameron, my
madrina, Tyra, and now you. If you can't tell me who you really are,
fine. Whatever.
‹silhouette♥dreɑmer› says:   16 January 2010   677849  
funny how you said I wss giving up
bye x
‹MorningDreamer♥› says:   16 January 2010   376758  
I never said I was giving up! I said it was fine, whatever. As in you
don't have to tell me who you really are.
‹silhouette♥dreɑmer› says:   16 January 2010   339923  
bye x
‹MorningDreamer♥› says:   17 January 2010   646891  
You keep saying bye and you expect me to think you're not giving up?!
‹silhouette♥dreɑmer› says :   17 January 2010   331422  
I AMMMMM giving up.
bye x


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