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Asexual, pansexual, apansexual?Category: (general)
Saturday, 16 January 2010
07:53:17 PM (GMT)
My mom is an english teacher and she doesn't know, so I'm asking the internet at
large.

What's it called if I am not sexually attracted to males or females, but fall
in love with people of both genders?

The mere concept of sex repulses me, actually. 

For a year and a half I had a boyfriend, and I loved my boyfriend, but the idea of
having sex with him never crossed my mind.

Now I have a girlfriend, and I love her very much, but that doesn't mean I want to
feel her up or anything. That just seems... Totally disrespectful! I love her because
she's a wonderful person, what she has between her legs or on her chest doesn't even
come into the equation. (She's very pretty, but so are my friends, and I don't want
to have sex with them either!)

Asexuality means not sexually attracted to either gender.
Pansexuality means not caring about gender.
But there's no word for a person who doesn't want sex and doesn't care about
gender.

Why does everyone try and lump love and sex together? Why is it that dating a girl
means that I'm "exploring my sexuality"? 

And to be clear, my girlfriend has not tried to pressure me into it, the topic hasn't
even come up (thank God). She and I talk about global politects, and obscure
factoids, and philosophy, and art, and we joke about all of those things. And we do
hold hands and hug, and hopefully when we've been going out for a little longer we'll
kiss. It isn't intamacy that grosses me out.

 But chances are that at some point in my life, I will have to explain to someone who
means a lot to me that I really do love them, sex just happens to be gross, and when
that happens I'd really like a word for it.

Anyone know one? A term for complete disinterest in sex, but romantic regardless of
gender?

Afternote: Also, please stop leaving comments saying that I think sex is
disgusting because I'm young/ a virgin. I've always thought eating dog shit is a
disgusting concept too, but I've never actually tried it, and I don't plan to.
Last edited: 17 January 2010

Comments 
BooRadley says:   16 January 2010   576982  
You could call it celipansexual
 
‹yoshiz› says:   16 January 2010   469873  
i have quite the same issue. i guess in short you could say youre a
romantic person but not a sexual person.
 
‹i lv y s mch tht t hrts m hd› says:   16 January 2010   256256  
I think apansexual sounds about right, actually.
 
Lyncheh says:   16 January 2010   347502  
But there's no word for a person who doesn't want sex and doesn't care about gender.
No, but there are seperate phrases. Asexual and panromantic. This is common over at the AVEN boards. People will define themselves one way as sexual (heterosexual, asexual etc) and one way for romanticism (aromantic, biromantic etc) Anything else such as the 'pan' in 'apansexual' would be redundant, as the a- in asexual denotes people of every and no gender. Feel free to ask if you have any more questions.
 
‹~Broken_Wings~› says:   16 January 2010   809180  
that works, what lynch said.
But also, you can't really say for sure wether or not sex is really
gross until you are at least two decades old I think, like when we
were seven we all thought kissing was gross.
You know?
 
randomizarre says:   16 January 2010   616596  
aaaah. ive been struggling what to call my sexuality also.and so is
my sister.
Kirti says:   17 January 2010   662302  
@Balance 
Yes, but while kissing never seemed gross to me, sex always has. I
don't see how age matters in it- I understand if you're saying I would
need to lose virginity to think it's bad in practice, but I don't even
like the 

concept.@BooRadley 
... But that means that I love all abdomines...  
 
Lyncheh says:   17 January 2010   966462  
@Lyncheh 
Seriously, 'nuff said. 
 
Kirti says:   17 January 2010   895163  
@Lyncheh 
Hey Lyncheh, why's your profile blocked? It says banned for trolling,
but obviously you're still here- is it blocked because other people
were trolling you? 
 
‹HelloHow'reYou?› says:   17 January 2010   835917  
Maybe you're just not ready for it?
I mean, you're only 15 so it's not like you've had enough life
experience to decide your sexuality.. you know what I mean?
 
Kirti says:   17 January 2010   327885  
@Sweetness_xx 
... Sexuality isn't a choice though. It never has been, not for me or
anyone else. Sexual orientation of a child is determined in around the
third month of it's mothers pregnancy, based on the hormone levels in
her womb. It's speculated that a womans body may even use estrogen to
attack the fetus as if it were an intruder, which causes the
indivigual to develope a more "femine" brain. (Feminine meaning that
the two sides of the brain are used equally, where as heterosexual
males rely more on the right side.)
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/06/080616-gay-brain_2.htm
l

Yes, yes, I'm a virgin. But my resulsion to sex causes the virginity,
not the other way around. As a general rule, teenagers have an
interest in sex, or have lost their aversion to it. 
 
‹HelloHow'reYou?› says:   19 January 2010   279876  
@Kirti 
Oop sorry.
'Decide' wasn't the right word, sorry, I know sexuality isn't a
choice.

What I meant to say is you should wait til you're older, you know? 
With more life experience, your repulsion to sex may change.

I'm not suggesting you go have sex, I'll keep my thoughts to myself
next time, sorry love. 
 
tiggerlemon101 says:   28 January 2010   296196  
So you don`t find anybody to be attractive physically is what you`re
saying...

Well, then I`d just say pansexual who finds people in general to be
ugly.  I used to be like that.  I think it just sort of comes with the
age... everyone is questioning their sexuality- nobody at 14 fits
perfectly into one category.
 
tiggerlemon101 says:   28 January 2010   933092  
Wait I think I agree with what Lyncheh said.

Asexual and Panromantic.  
 
Kirti says:   28 January 2010   697335  
@tiggerlemon101 
It's not about thinking people are ugly, that's not it at all. I think
lots of people are pretty, I just don't want to have sex with anyone
because sex- not the freaky things people decide sex is related
to, like love or beauty or whatever- is utterly repulsive. 
 
tiggerlemon101 says:   30 January 2010   571405  
Hmmm... more than I find sex gross, I guess I find the idea of me
having sex gross, but that's probably just because when you
picture it with a person you know, it becomes disgusting.
 
‹ғяєακazoid› says:   31 January 2010   734065  
I think your just bisexual, but your not... sexual.
[ I said bi- because you said both genders. Pan- is many genders, I.E.
boy, girl, MTF, FTM, etc... Just thought I'd point it out. Sorry, I'm
picky on that... ]
I don't know if there is actually a word for somebody who is not
sexual, but attracted to both genders.
I'd just say biromantic, I suppose. P:
 
Kirti says:   31 January 2010   529564  
@FinsterSunde 
Pans and poly aren't the same thing. "Pans" means "accross" or
"regardless".

I don't like "biromantic"... It seems to much like "bigamy", like I'm
saying I'm in love with two people at once. 
 
‹ғяєακazoid› says :   31 January 2010   988343  
@Kirti
I know that pan and poly aren't the same thing. Actually, I didn't
know what pan specifically means, but I was still spot on on the
definition. Pan is all, Poly is many [ but not specifically all ].

Um, I know what you mean with the biromantic thing. But that's the
only thing that seems to sound right. Hmm... Well, I think you should
just say bisexual, less confusion and all that. The -sexual part of
bisexual doesn't really refer to the act of sex, but the sex of the
person. I think that's the easier option, or wait until they make up a
word that makes it all confusing in the future. 
 
 
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