Monday, 20 August 2007
10:10:31 AM (GMT)
I've always had a kind of fascination with the things that time can do to our most
personal belongings. The Diary of Anne Frank is a brilliant example of this. I've
never read it, but the idea that something so personal and of significance only
(initially) to Anne herself, would become so big and incredible... it's very
interesting. Seeing her photo and her handwriting only made it clearer that she had
no idea what her words would do. Moreover, what is the difference between her and any
of us? Anyone I know, or even me, could be the next Anne Frank. It's not so much the
idea of fame which excites me so much about this, but that someone I care about could
affect someone who had nothing to do with them. I really appreciate the beauty of
people, and... well... I'd be incredibly excited if even I could read their diary,
for it to become public... that's incredibly exciting to me.
So, after this rush of emotions which it had brought me, I was inspired to do
something. Where Anne Frank chronicled such an interesting and incredible time in
history, from such a rare perspective, I could... could... well...
I could chronicle capitalism! The things it does to people, and the ways it works,
and... but wait... capitalism is most everywhere. It would not only be useless to
write about it (since practically everything reflects it), it would also be very,
And here I come up against the problem that seems to be all-too-common in my life.
Things are boring. I'm tired of the value of security which my environment seems
determined to drum into me. I don't want security. I'm even going so far as to
clearly tell the people I care about that I don't want to have a relationship which
is entirely without pain. If they are feeling bad, I don't want to be protected, I
want to feel it with them. If they are angry at me, I want them to express that in a
powerful way. I want to feel the sharp edge of emotion, not some dull resentment, or
lethargic contentment, or (most importantly) boredom.
So, why not make this happen? Fear, that's pretty much my problem. The solution?
Companionship, I can generally conquer nearly all fear if I have someone I trust
Difficult, though, because there are few people near me that I trust very much. So I
either have to get over my fear alone, or be near someone who I trust. Both are a