Wednesday, 8 November 2017
08:03:08 PM (GMT)
Hello, my dear reader,
Well, It's been bad again and I don't really know what to do about it. Like it
almost feels like that time when I was aggressively suicidal. Being suicidal is such
an odd existence because it's basically your tired but it's not you're physically
tired. It's that your spirit is tired and you don't know how to fix it other than to
stop existing. The issue is that in order to do that you would need to for lack of a
better phrase kill yourself. But you don't want to kill yourself. That's was me for
as far as I can remember like maybe 3 or 4 years. I can't remember I was too busy
trying to stop existing. And it seems as though I'm slowly approaching that
crossroads again. My grades keep slipping because I can't be bothered to put in the
effort. All I want to do is crawl back into my bed and sleep forever. I don't know
maybe I'm just lazy. I'm not even sure if the real me because the suicidal thoughts
have become such a huge part of me. I don't know where I begin and the sadness ends.
I don't think college is for me but I also don't want to be stuck working a dead end
job for the rest of my life.
I don't know I'm just rambling tbh.
Catch ya later,