Wednesday, 18 December 2013
12:48:05 AM (GMT)
This diary isn't for you to come and give me sympathy I just wanted to get it off my
Okay, so it's just gone midnight meaning it's the 18th of December.
The day I lost my best friend.
Sam was the only person in the whole world I felt comfortable being around.
We had such a good time together.
There was one time we decided we should run away from home together. We were 9 years
old and we made a deal to run away, live in the woods and live off of leaves and
At about 3pm we both went home after a day of playing in the park, we both packed a
backpack of things we might need. Mine contained pyjamas, my toothbrush and my
I met Sammie at the edge of the woods, where we usually met up for adventures, and we
We lasted until about 7pm before we realized that leaves tasted vile and we wanted
To remind me of this, Sammie left a basket of leaves and daisys on my doorstep with a
note saying 'grubs up' on my 13th birthday.
There was that time we decided that we should dye my hair for the first time. Neither
of us had used hair dye before and I wanted to go from blonde to brown. We didn't
realise how far hair dye could spread over a bathroom..
We both got in soo much trouble and my mum made me re-paint the bathroom. Cx
There was that time that I introduced Sam to my first boyfriend. He told the poor boy
that he was training for the army and if he hurt me, he'd find himself of Sam's hunt
list. Sammie was worse than my dad.. The boy never did hurt me though. It worked,
We made a den in an abandoned building in a farm we found. I think it was a feeding
hut for cows or something. We built it up amazingly, I stole two fold out chairs from
my shed, he stole a curtain from god knows where and we used it as a door. Every so
often we would send each other a text simply saying 'den?' and an amount of time to
meet each other, and we'd both be there. We took food and drinks and spent so much
time in that silly building.
I haven't been back there since Sam died.
I really should visit it.
I felt so angry when Sam took his own life.
I thought he was really selfish.
How could he do this to me? What am I going to do now?
Then I realised I was the one being selfish.
Sam had a massive struggle before he took his own life.
If I was in his shoes, I wouldn't have lasted half the time he fought for.
I miss Sam every day now.
I can't stop thinking about the phone call from his dad. I thought it was a joke at
first, I prayed it was a joke.
The one person in the whole world you love more than anything.
Sam was like my brother.
People say you can't choose your family, but I chose Sam.
My parents accepted him as family just as his accepted me. It was like an unspoken
It's been a year since my Sammie died.
I still talk to him when I visit his grave.
I still miss him.
But it'll get better.
All I need to do is think about how much better he is now. No pain, no sadness, no
I've never been very religious but I can only hope Sam has gone to a better place.
Love you Sammie.
Last edited: 18 December 2013