.All I can Do Is Cry For You. [[Another Poem]] Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 
 

This diary entry is written by ‹[Belongs.In.Neverland]<3›. ( View all entries )
 
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.All I can Do Is Cry For You. [[Another Poem]]Category: (general)
Friday, 16 September 2011
06:42:38 AM (GMT)
All I can do is cry for you,
You're too far away.
You don't care though,
You find it a game.

It shatterd my heart,
My mind,
I knew somthing was up from the start.

You started with labels,
You had to be "scene",
Perfect blue hair with extensions to match your theme.

You dressed the dress, 
made friends with the "friends"
You adopted a fake attitude that kinda fucked with me.

which, took me to end.
last straw.
That was it.

You began all this with cutting,
You have no idea how far that took my pain.
Cutting turned to smoking, 
for reasons that passed.
Reasons that don't matter.
Reasons that didn't last.

The drinking?
That's okay.
I don't mind it one bit.
I'm not trying to sound like a hypocrite.

But you? 
I came to you when I needed help.
You called me stupid,
And told me it was a matter that could be dealt.

It wasn't,
And it hurt,
What I did?
I still regret.

You?
oh,
You dont care.
You never did.

After your smoking?
Came the binging and purging.
Fasting and passing.
You seariously DON'T understand.

Bones are beautiful you say?
You say that THIS?
This is the one thing that will make you hapy?
Fuck That.

It will only make you feel fucking crappy.
You're going to lose;
Teeth.
Hair.
More.
Your skin will pale out,
You'll pass and grow remorse.

I threw you a life line.
Told you the truth.
I hid a few monsters,
And that?
Didn't even work.

You just can't see it?
You tell me not to mind it.
You fucking idiot.
I love you too much to ignore that bit.

Through your cutting?
The scars I saw?
I cried through it.
I felt all the pain.

The smoking?
That hit me,
 hard.
I let you know how much it hurt,
And you didn't mind.
You shrugged it off.

Coming from me?
You knew I hated that.
But you didn't care.
You showed that crap,
 fast.

But this is it.
I'm done cutting over you.
My tears?
Still spill.
Like My eyes broke.
You took the fake smile I found,
After I lost it,
That day I took my first Toke.

I finally got over that,
Getting High.
Not that you care, 
Or anything.
You definantly payed no fucking mind.

I'll never do it again,
That's somthing I definantly Don't want In my life.

Back to the subject of;
My fakeness Is gone.
I cried through classes,
You have no clue how fucked up I was.

You make me regret.
You make me remorse.
I shouldnt have brought it up.
But I couldn't take it anymore.

I love you,
I truley do.
But the pain you put on me?
Is enough to kill.
Enough to take away Everything I need to be free.

From the monster I'm hiding inside of me.

New topic now,
Your jealousy?
Of what?
My so called "Perfection"?
Fuck that. 
Perfection?
Far from.
I'm not some flawless Human.

And you Can't say a Thing about that being NOT TRUE.
I cut.
I bleed.
I've smoked, 
And STILL drink.
I lie,
I scream
I hate,
I cheat.

I act on impulse almost immidiatly,
But you?
You fake through lots of things.
You call me strong.
I'm fucking weak.
You think My life is a perfect song?
Hunny?
You're fucking wrong.

So,
I sit here,
Typing this out.
I did it instead of BLEEDING it out.
I probably will end up doing it though,
Without a doubt.
That's My imperfection of the moment,
You can't see this raincloud looming over me.

Now,
Tell me not to care.
That it's your life.
That I'm trying to manipulate you.
That I should mind my own buisness.

But you know fucking what?
You ARE my buisness.
I'm not your twin nothing.
I'm not going to sit aside,
While you slowly die.

Bones are good as dead.
Skin and bones,
Is what  you find beautiful in your drugged out head?
It's not, and never will be.
All you are?
Is making me dread.

You call me beautiful.
I'm only fourteen.
104 pounds,
Living in a verry poor family.

But you?
You're living where you get what you wan't,
Get what you need.
you can afford things,
You can afford to eat.
You can buy the things you wan't, 
with a complete ease.

Mom?
she spends a quater of my child support on the entire family.
the rest?
goes to weed.
because she?
Is a lowlife.
A user,
And an abuser.

You didn't notice,
did you?
How I'm being used.
I'm the extra money,
noting more,
oh hunny.
I could be in texas,
with my long lost pops.
who did cocain and speed when I was a baby,
he wanted to hold My dead corpse.

But of corse!
Thats an old story.
Because we have to live in the now.
You said it yourself.
We're not who we were?
HAH.
make me laugh.

Now to get across the pain you showed me?
The new demension of pain and fate.
If you do this to yourself I'll return the favor on a silver plate.

Bones are beautiful you say?
I guess I'll have to do the same.
Twins stick together.
Through the toughest of games.

even if one of them doesnt wan't to play.

end.

Yeah, I fucking hope you read this.
If you dont?
too fuckign bad.

I dont give a fuck anymore.

Now let me explain?
You fucking don't care?
I CARE ABOUT YOU, YOU FUCKIGN CANT TELL?WHY DO I INVOLVE MYSELF?
WHY DO I TRY TO CHANGE IT?
BECAUSE IF I FUCKING LOST YOU,
WHERE WOULD I BE?
ALONE?
I WOULDNT HAVE MY BEST FUCKIGN FRIEND AROUND.
AND I DONT WANT TO SEE YOU FUCKING IN PAIN.
AT ALL.

i involve myself in your life on POURPOSE.
because I MISS AND LOVE YOU.

HOLDING MY FRIENDSHIP OVER YOU?
OUR "TWIN LIKE BOND"?
YOU PRETTY MUCH SAID THATTHE OTHER DAY!
I could of ended it a while back.
WE HAVE SO MANY FUCKING BACK STABBING FIGHTS
YOU DONT TAKE THE MOMENT TO GET OUT OF YOUR DENSE FUCKING MIND AND LOOK AT MY POINT
OF VEIW.
YOU DONT STAND AND WATCH ME PUT MYSELF THROUGH UNNEEDED FUCKING PAIN.

you do it to YOURSELF.
and then?
IT HURTS YOU MORE.
so I give in.
Last edited: 16 September 2011

Comments 
LilBabyGirl says:   17 September 2011   729082  
its long to read, but thats wat makes it all worth while. i really
enjoyed reading it. yes sad, yes heart hurting, yes depressing, and
yes worth my time. love it
 
‹[Belongs.In.Neverland]<3› says :   17 September 2011   720029  
@LilBabyGirl 
Thank you. <3
Its all true, too. 
 
 
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