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This diary entry is written by ‹<3OurGODisLOVE!!<3›. ( View all entries )
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Dear People in my life.....Category: (general)
Sunday, 31 July 2011
10:22:58 AM (GMT)
Dear Daddy,
How can you treat people the way you do. I just dont understand it. You think of
yourself as if you are a God, and everyone is much lesser than you are. Why would you
hurt the people you love over and over. You just dont listen! > We try to tell you
how you hurt us and how we think your crazy, but you just look at us like were the
crazy ones. Like we need to go to a mental hospital for thinking your messed up. Its
always been like that you used to make me feel like i was going crazy, like i was
imagining things, but that was all apart of your plan.You think of me as the problem
child who can't do anything right, and you make sure to make everyone else see me the
same way you do. Your love is conditional, depending on how you feel that day. Why
won't you love me? :'( You always say, "Ashlea i love you, you have a caring, loving,
good family, theres no reason to be unhappy" You make me feel bad for feeling
unhappy, you make me feel like im going crazy because im not supposed to feel that
way. But of course there is! You aren't loving and caring, your a backstabber and i
honestly have no trust in you what-so-ever. I dont put my hope in the things you say
because you have the power to change them any time you like and im not aloud to be
upset even if it's last minute. "You need to be more flexible, because things change,
i can change the plans if i want to you dont need to have an attitude with me" "But
it makes me mad when you change the plans last minute when ive been looking forward
to them this whole time". And you hurt mama, so bad. And you still are. How can you
be so evil you have to get revenge because she left you, because you were a crazy
insane husband who treated her like she was your daughter. I try so hard to please
you to do things out of the ordinary to impress you but nothing is ever good enough.
I worked on cleaning my room for 2 days straight getting every little speck. And i
usually dont clean my room like that and you still said oh it's getting there still
needs more work. It was spotless! There was nothing else to do. I may be overreacting
but even the littlest of things hurt me because i try so hard and it never phases
you. And even after all these years of constant heart ache and pain, i dont
completely hate you. But i wouldnt mind never seeing you again. Because of you as a
young child i trained myself to do things i thought i could never do and now as i
grow older and realize what they are i have to try to train myself to undo those
things. All you care about is money :'( ive never been loved by you as much as money
has. Never come close. You have provided things for me, but only the stupid
materialistic things. But you neglect us in the doctor/dentist/ect., but you dont

Dear Erin, 
Your just like daddy, Your forming into another him. Why can't you see the
destruction in this family. Were all broken up because of him and you can't see it.
Your just spoiled, and you love money just as much as he does. i wish you could see
the hurt in our eyes when you dont stand up for us. When you know he is doing
something that isnt right, you just let it happen. Even if he tells you to shut-up,
fight for us! It's hard when you two gang up on us, because were the children and we
have no say. It hurts more when you go along with him. And We arent aloud to tell you
that you hurt us or we will get grounded. We walk on our tipy toes around you guys
and we still get in trouble for the stupidest things, the dogs get treated better
than us! Why can't you see. :'( This isn't how a step mom should treat us. 

Dear GOD,
Oh what can i say, to much to write. You are AMAZING, And i love you more than anyone
else on this earth. I am beyond thankful for everything you have done for me. I have
messed up so many times i can't even count anymore, and you have been here with open
arms each time, always there to forgive me. All the words i could describe you as
right now would do justice, You are much more than words can explain. Thank you for
always helping me throught the bad times, thank you for giving me Austin.Thank you
for making my heart whole again, your the only one who who would have the ability to
do that, and the only one that can make me truely happy again(':.  Even though i
don't deserve the things you do for me you dont hold a grudge and you know i try
hard. Thank you for changing my heart and everyday molding me into a woman of god.
Thank you so much i love you!!

Dear Mama, 
I love you so much, you mean everything to me! You've always been here for me, you've
always shown me love and uncoditionally loved me for me. Your the best mom in the
world! It kills me inside that we only get to see you once every 2-3 months. I need
you in my life, phone calls aren't the same as your hugs. When your here i dont feel
pain, i actually feel special. Everythign we have been through together has brought
us closer and im so thankful for that. We have that mother daughter relationship
people desire. If i ever lose you i dont know what i will do, i can't lose you:'(.
Thank you for believeing in me and encouraging me.

Dear Austin, 
You my dear, are an amazing person. You truly inspire me, to be a better person. I
dont feel worthy of your love. You treat me like i'm a princess, it takes some
gettign used to. But i love it. And i love you with all of my heart. And i thank you
for saving me from drowning. You saved my life, and i am forever thankful for that.
You are so beautiful, your spirit is just so beautiful it blows my mind. I know i
truely love you, and you truely love me. Your my hero. Haha and money doesn't matter
to you(:.Thank you for not giving up on me as much as you thought about it at times,
you still stayed(: I love you so much!.

Dear Austin Family,
Oh jeez where do i start? You guys are unbelievably AMAZING!! Your family is just so
loving and true, it makes me so happy. You guys Love me, truely love me for me.
That's all i have ever wanted was to be apart of a family who truely loved eachother.
You guys make me feel so special. "Austin you are truely blessed to have Ashlea, she
is so beautiful!"-Austin's mom. "You are so special, i love you!"Austin's mom. You
are the most amazing people i have ever met in my whole wife, no one can compare to
you guys, it makes me so happy to see you, to be with you. I miss you guys, and i am
looking forward to the day i can be with you guys always. Thank you so much for
everything you do for me!! i love you guys!!

Dear Sarah,
I love you! You have always been here for me no matter what. You have been through
all the bad times with me, and you have never judged me. You have always been there
to help me get through the cries and the pain. Even though its been like 5 or 6 years
since i saw you last Your still My BEST FRIEND. Always will be. You mean a lot to me,
and i dont know what i would do if i lost you. I love you girl!!
Last edited: 31 July 2011

‹Cowards•Are•Golden› says :   31 July 2011   484772  
I love you, too, Ashlea. :]


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