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This diary entry is written by JustBeingMe_Stephanie. ( View all entries )

Story for Fun (not done)Category: (general)
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
12:33:42 AM (GMT)
I woke this morning wondering where my mother could have been, I hadn’t seen her
in a few days.  I stood up thinking nothing of it, walked over to the window and
gently pulled the curtains away; just enough so I could see out, to my surprise the
sun was just barely rising. I quickly turned my head to see the clock; 7:30 am was
all it said. I walked over to my closet and took out a plain black t-shirt, a red
plaid jacket and my favorite pair of jeans that of course had tears in them; they
gave the jeans a ragged but fashionable look. I put them on and walked over to the
bathroom, I brushed my hair, its black sheen complimented my face and matched me
perfectly, long and wavy, simple but my own unique style. I looked up into the
mirror; my mom had always loved it when I wore green clothing because she said it
complimented my freckles and bright green eyes. Remembering her I looked away from
the mirror, and walked out of the bathroom, and slowly made my way to the front door
trying not to wake my dad. 
I grabbed my boots and slowly pulled them on one at a time. I finally had them on I
stood up, grabbed a lantern and quietly opened the old door. I took one step out and
in the silence of the early winter morning; you could only hear the soft crunch of my
boot on the fresh snow. I took another step out, turned around and closed the door
quietly. I slowly started walking, I was on my way to feed Sparky my dapple grey
horse, and Gracie my Arabian, and see how they were doing since the blizzard. Walking
to what I thought was the barn, I let my mind wonder, thinking about climbing the old
oak tree and what my dad would say if I cut my arm coming back down again. Still
walking, my foot hit something hard, I tried to step over it but instead I tripped
and fell into the cold snow. I stood up and I brushed myself off, then I turned
around and shined the light on what  I tripped over, I put my hand over my mouth to
stop myself from screaming in terror when I saw my mother’s piercing blue eyes. I
then knelt to the ground and put my hand to her cheek, it was freezing cold. I stood
up, and ran as fast as I could back to the house, when I got to the door I swung it
open, and it slammed behind me. I heard a thump come from my dad’s room, and sure
enough he came bolting out to see what had just happened. I ran towards him, hugged
him and cried.
“What’s wrong Jessalyn?” my dad asked me as he rested his head on top of mine.
There was a very long pause, all you could hear was me sniffling, “I.....I……I
went out to see Sparky and Gracie, but I tripped, and fell over something before I
got to the barn and I looked back and……….” I burst out in tears at just the
thought of my mother being dead.
“What…….what did you see sweetheart?” my dad asked, as he pulled me away from
his body and looked me in the eyes. He quickly took me over to the couch, sat me down
and asked me again what I saw with haste for we didn’t have much time. A few
minutes past of me trying to stop crying and I finally told him, he looked at me with
a look of absolute horror. He slowly got up grabbed a blanket and wrapped me in it.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes sweetie,” he said as he kissed me gently on the
head. He went over and put on his boots and jacket, grabbed the lantern and rushed
out. He walked slowly and cautiously towards the barn terrified of what he was going
to see. 
He walked along the same path I had, following my footprints right up until the point
where I tripped. He seen the body in the snow and tears welled up as he knelt down
beside my mother’s body. He grabbed her hand and put his head on her chest and
screamed out, “Why! Why now of all times is this happening?”  He sat there like
that for a while and cried. He couldn’t believe that she was dead, frozen. This
wasn’t supposed to happen like this. We all knew she didn’t have very long to
live because of her leukemia but she was supposed to live her life out until it
finally took control of her. 
I sat in the house waiting for my father to come back, it felt like forever till I
heard the old door creak open and my father’s soft footsteps across the floor.  I
immediately sat up and looked over at him; he had sat down in his old rocking chair,
staring at me; his face completely blank.
“This is my fault.” He said quietly. I stood up and went over and sat in his lap
like I did when I was a little girl. I looked him in the eyes and told him that none
of this could have been his fault. 
“Sweetie, you don’t understand. This is my fault. I should have stopped her from
going out, but I didn’t and now she’s dead.” My father spoke in such a low
hushed tone it was almost hard for me to hear him. He moved me out of his lap, got up
and walked into the kitchen. 
“Dad, where are you going?” I asked following him.  
“We have to call 911.” He said as he grabbed the phone and started dialing.
“911, what’s your emergency?” said the lady in the phone.
 “Yes, I need someone out here right away. My daughter found my wife’s body
frozen in the snow.” My father replied, his voice shaky trying to hold back the
tears that I could see coming into his eyes. 
“Someone will be over right away sir.” The lady assured him.
About ten minutes later we heard the sirens they kept getting louder and louder until
they stopped. My father stood up and opened the door even before there was a knock,
two tall dark men in police uniforms stood before us. Their shadows stretched deep
inside the house, I felt a sudden sense of panic; I was scared, I didn’t know what
would happen, but I remained calm for my dad’s sake, “We had a call saying there
was a body found at this residence sir.”
“Yes, I’ll show you,” my father said trying to keep his legs from giving out I
knew he was holding his sadness back and it appeared to be compromising his ability
to stand or function but he forced himself out into the snow covered yard. The
policemen followed him close behind. He took the same trail as he and I did earlier,
and when he got to the body he kept his distance he didn’t want to break down
again. He couldn’t stand the sight of his wife like that. The two policemen went
over to the body and lightly brushed off some of the snow. The shorter, stalkier
police officer walked away a bit so we couldn’t hear him as he talked into his
handheld transceiver. He walked back over to the other officer and whispered
something in his ear; he nodded and looked at me and my father. 
“Mr. Daniels we have to ask you and your daughter to please go and wait in your
house. We need to look around a bit, it seems as though your wife may not have frozen
to death.” I stood there in shock, my mind racing through things that could have
happened before her body froze. My father nodded and put his arm around me leading
back to the house.  On the way back to the house my father and I kept to ourselves,
but just before we got to the door my father and I stopped. We heard sirens again and
there was a crew of investigators that came out one by one. There was probably six of
them all dressed in the same dark blue full body suits, they were carrying crime
scene tape and all sorts of other investigational tools. My father gave me a little
push so I would go into the house because I knew he didn’t want me worrying what
was going on, but it was too late.
As I went into the house I couldn’t help but sit on my bench by the window watching
what was going on. My father came over and brought a blanket wrapping it around me. I
never noticed until the blanket was around me that I was freezing cold and shivering.
I grabbed the edges of the blanket and stared out the window at the whole scene. The
investigators were placing the crime scene tape all around my yard blocking off huge
sections around my mother. I looked away from those investigators and watched closely
to the ones that were around my mother. They were dusting off all the snow on her
body and they transported her into one of the ambulances that had just arrived. As
they were putting her into the ambulance I had noticed that my father had ran out to
stop them from taking her away. I watched their mouths move as my father talked with
them. I immediately got up put my jacket back on and walked outside.
 I got just outside of the door and I heard my father yell to me, “Just stay there
sweetie, everything is fine. Go back inside and make some hot cocoa for the both of
us.” I listened to my father and went back inside. I sat back down on my bench, I
couldn’t help but want to know what was going on with everything, though when I
looked out the window everyone was crowding so I couldn’t see anything.  I abruptly
turned my head as I heard the old door creak open but it wasn’t my father that I
saw walk in; it was one of the officers. 
He stared at me and stuttered, “Y-your father wanted you to um...come outside.” I
sat there looking like a fool just staring at him; I hadn’t really paid any
attention to what he just said. He wasn’t like any of the other officers, he was so
young. He looked to be maybe twenty-three. He was tall, darker skinned and had short
dark brown hair. I finally blinked and got up and put on my boots. He opened the door
and nodded, I slowly made my way back out into the cold winter morning. He shut the
door gently behind himself.  We stayed silent as we slowly made our way over to my
father and everyone else.  The taller officer whom they called Constable Kendricks
cleared his throat. He looked at me and my father with grave apology.
“Mr. Daniels and Miss Jessalyn I am very sorry to say that your mother was not
frozen to death it seems to us that she was murdered, she was stabbed several times
in her abdomen and bled to death.” His voice was very low and raspy. “If you will
allow us, we would like to take her body with us so we can run some tests and figure
out who killed her.” He was now staring at me and my father waiting for a reply. We
stood there in silence for what seemed like hours until out of the corner of my eye,
I saw my father give a slight nod to Constable Galindo. At that moment I collapsed
and broke down in tears, “this cannot be happening. It’s all just a dream I’ll
wake up any moment now and everything will be normal. Mom will be sitting on the
porch like she does every morning. Everything will be back to normal.” I said this
to myself over and over until I felt a light tug on my jacket. I looked up to see the
facial features of my father and the officer that had come to get me earlier. 
We stared at each other until I heard my father’s hoarse voice, “Jason here is
going to take you to town and I want you two to hang out while I talk with the
I looked at my father, then to Jason and back to my father. I wiped my eyes and
forced a smile to pull across my mouth and nodded, knowing this wasn’t any of my
business. Jason put out his hand and left it there until I put my hand onto his; he
gripped it tightly and slowly pulled me onto my feet.
 I looked him up and down, “you’re not going to town in that get-up. Are you?”
I asked him trying to sound joking.
“Well, I kind of have to, I’m still on-” We heard someone clear their throat as
if they wanted our attention; we both turned and looked to see that the chief of
police was standing beside my father and Constable Kendricks. He pointed at Jason and
motioned for him. Jason put his hand on my arm as he swiftly walked away from me and
stood still as a brick in front of Chief Harrison. The Chief then leaned forward
slightly and whispered something into Jason’s ear, Jason nodded politely then
casually walked back to stand beside me. I tilted my head up and looked at him. He
gave a nod towards the car, I gave a slight smile and headed towards the vehicle; he
followed so closely behind that I could almost feel the heat of his breath on the
back of my neck. We got to the car; he walked around to the passenger seat and opened
the door for me. I put one leg in, ducked my head and slowly slid the rest of my body
into the seat, I looked up at Jason and he smiled; I could have sworn my heart melted
right then. He had the most amazing smile I had ever seen, I couldn’t help but
smile back.  He got into his seat and started the car; I always loved the purr of any
vehicles engine. We started on our way into town when his phone started ringing, I
looked up at him waiting for him to answer it but it seemed like it hadn’t fazed
him that his phone was ringing.
“Aren’t you going to answer that?” I asked quietly as I looked at him puzzled.
He didn’t move a muscle, “I mean it could be an emergency.” I was starting to
get irritated. I saw him look at his phone and he just shook his head. 
“Just as I thought it was nothing important, just a stupid friend.” He shot me a
look and I knew not to ask anything more.

Xx_idome_xX says:   2 July 2011   767658  
This is really good! But I'm gonna give you some constructive
criticsm, okay? :D
“If you will
allow us, we would like to take her body with us so we can run some
tests and figure
out who killed her.”-is the original way you put it, but I'm going
to college in a few years to  be the person who actually does the
test. xD so I thought that maybe, to make it a little more interesting
at that part, you could say something like: "We're going to have the
crime team come in to get her. From there, they'll take her and give
her an autopsy... I don't know how long it'll take to get the results
from the Medical Examiner, but we'll have the team send some
investigators out to search the area for clues. It  might take a bit,
but I assure you, we will find the criminal who did this." and also I
saw that you used alot of commas, so maybe you could add/take out some
things. Like, when you said: 

gave a nod towards the car, I gave a slight smile and headed towards
the vehicle; he
followed so closely behind that I could almost feel the heat of his
breath on the
back of my neck. We got to the car; he walked around to the passenger
seat and opened
the door for me. I put one leg in, ducked my head and slowly slid the
rest of my body
into the seat, I looked up at Jason and he smiled; I could have sworn
my heart melted
right then. He had the most amazing smile I had ever seen, I
couldn’t help but
smile back.  He got into his seat and started the car; I always loved
the purr of any
vehicles engine. We started on our way into town when his phone
started ringing, I
looked up at him waiting for him to answer it but it seemed like it
hadn’t fazed
him that his phone was ringing." I would have said something to the
effect of: 
"After giving me a nod in the direction of the  car, I turned and
walked to it with a slightly forced smile. He followed closely behind
me, and I imagined I could feel his warm breath down my back. As we
came up on the car, he opened the passenger door so that I could duck
my head under the roof and slide my body into the seat. Before he
closed the door for me, he smiled, making my heart melt right then.
Warmth radiated from him and he had the most amazing smile I've ever
seen. I couldn't help but smile back. He walked, then, around the car
to his side to get in. When he put the key into the ignition and
turned it, the engine rumbled to life. The purr and vibration of it
soothed me; I had always loved the sound of an engine of a vehicle.
After a few minutes of silent driving on our way to town, his phone
started buzzing. When he didn't answer it, I looked up expectantly.
            "Aren't you going to get that?" I asked.
And there are a few more spots, but I don't remember them. But, just
play around with it, and make the description pattern inconsistent.
Other than that, it was very, very good. (:
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   2 July 2011   312879  
Thank you, I have been looking for constructive criticism for a
while. I will most deffinately change things around. Thanks!!
Xx_idome_xX says:   2 July 2011   712295  
You're very welcome!! :D I love writing, working on a book myself, so
I love giving constructive criticism. :D
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   2 July 2011   748464  
Thats awesome...this is the story i would hope to make into a book,
but im not sure if thats going to happen. :P@Xx_idome_xX 
branches says:   2 July 2011   309790  
Needs more pepper.
Xx_idome_xX says:   2 July 2011   682155  
Well, that's how I feel about mine, and that's how aLOT of famous
authors like Nicki Poo (aka Nicholas Sparks) felt, but it happened. :D
You just gotta put forth effort and keep trying even when you think
you can't do it. You'll do it. :D 
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   3 July 2011   525686  
Im gonna try my best! Thanks for your help (: 
Xx_idome_xX says:   3 July 2011   113505  
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   3 March 2012   110836  
What an amazing story! Best one I have ever read on kupika by far.
Well done! * Starts loud round of applause which wakes up cat*
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   3 March 2012   846967  
Thank you so much. (:
*laughs and bows* 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   4 March 2012   371508  
No worries, it really was amazing.
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   4 March 2012   647265  
Well I'm glad you thought so. (: 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   4 March 2012   763417  
I am fond of writing stories; however, I have trouble. How do you do
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   4 March 2012   970716  
Honesty, I have no idea. 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   4 March 2012   567430  
Yeah, sometimes a story just comes to you, doesn't it? 
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   4 March 2012   173860  
It truely does, I mean if you could read my stories in the past for
school they were so forced they sound horrible! 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   4 March 2012   769716  
I know, same with me! When I was younger I wrote stories about ghost
horses killing everyone. Weird, huh? 
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   4 March 2012   329593  
Trust me that's much more normal than mine. 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   5 March 2012   644378  
What could be weirder than mine? 
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   5 March 2012   335199  
A weird story about hamsters that live in a parallel universe that are
giant, a story about a talking monkey in the jungle that has a lion
that is also a tiger and there's antelope lol 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   5 March 2012   302704  
Sounds funny =)
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   5 March 2012   357411  
Haha they were HORRIBLE!!
I just read them and laugh at them now, I cant believe I thought they
were amazing before lol 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   6 March 2012   725483  
Same, I read mine sometimes and wonder how an 8- year old could be
such a sociopath. 
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   6 March 2012   999001  
Lol. I wonder that about a few people honestly 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   7 March 2012   624169  
Yeah, same =D 
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   7 March 2012   705982  
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   8 March 2012   606029  
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   8 March 2012   194424  

Baby whale 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   9 March 2012   672599  
Aw, it's sweet =)
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   9 March 2012   990522  
Lol I love doing that on my phone. 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   10 March 2012   657500  
I'm not allowed to have a phone until I'm 18  
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   10 March 2012   292669  
That's dumb 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   11 March 2012   994954  
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   11 March 2012   751878  
Lol. Mhm. 
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says:   11 March 2012   537101  
JustBeingMe_Stephanie says:   11 March 2012   143532  
‹jesus_of_suburbia› says :   13 March 2012   364647  
That means I think that is a sad rule. 


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