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This diary entry is written by KittenLoveMelanie. ( View all entries )

AsylumCategory: Writing
Friday, 19 February 2010
10:28:24 PM (GMT)
The light had shone through the sky with such brilliance i felt as if I were to look right into it i might go blind. Its beauty was slightly frightening from being in that asylum for 4 years. the dank musty stench stuck to my clothing like a skunks stench to someone he sprayed. I crinkle my nose in disgust and walk galently down the street hoping my home will still be where i had left it. Maybe they sold it. I thought in sad resign. My mother brother father and sister all desserted me when i had gruesomly killed my grandmother but four years in a dank musty old asylum has taught me my actions where unwelcomed in a normal invitroment. I got out for good behavior. I know i shouldn't be proud but i am, i had done well in a place that was ment for insanity and i was the most sane there.
I need ideas on how to continue please comment with them :]
Last edited: 19 February 2010

exquisite says:   20 February 2010   409208  
There are a few mistakes here and there, spelling and grammatically. Words misspelt: Invitroment = Environment Desserted = Deserted Ment = Meant But besides those, it's quite good. Try using commas and semi-colons instead of using loads of full stops, it really helps with listing and extending sentences. Maybe as an improvement you could introduce the main story a bit more, like why was she/he in the asylum in the first place, was the good behaviour all an act to help her get out? Think of those possibilities. Your character is an insane person, right? Try getting into character a bit, and actually write the story as if an insane person wrote it. The insane mind is much, much different to normal minds. Try changing the subject occasionally, as this creates the effect of your character trying to cover something up. But good start so far. (:
KittenLoveMelanie says:   20 February 2010   313858  
I know... my word dosnt have the spell or grammer wont
workkk i need to fix it :/
and i kinda quit on this one and started another one like it
I'll post it wen i get a whole page :] 
exquisite says:   20 February 2010   361872  
Try writing out your stories in Word or something, that way you can
correct any mistakes before posting.  (: 
KittenLoveMelanie says:   20 February 2010   939089  
I do use word but my word dosnt have spellcheck :/
well it dose but it dosnt work 
exquisite says:   20 February 2010   673405  
Have you tried changing the settings like to your language? You might
have British English on instead of American English or vise versa. 
KittenLoveMelanie says :   20 February 2010   222335  
I'ma look.... later cuz im lazy  


Next entry: R.I.P Harry Smith, An amazing father/grandfather, great grandfather,
husband, and brother we'll miss you dearly.
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