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This diary entry is written by ‹GatorBoots›. ( View all entries )
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Me LatelyCategory: I Rant
Thursday, 12 February 2009
05:57:56 PM (GMT)
I just wanted to fill in all of you who still know who I am, about what's been going
on with me lately.

Okay, first thing:
Lately I've been having even more low self-esteem than usual. Wait, did any of you
know that I had one in the first place? But yeah. I just have been thinking of myself
lately as very ugly. I don't know why honestly, because I had period of time sort-of
recently where I, for the first time, thought I was good-looking. I don't know, I
just wish I wasn't as thin, that I wasn't as shy, and alot more. I just see all of
the couples at school, and I just get filled with envy. I hate how I tell myself when
I think a girl is cute "You have no chance," "She's not in your league," or "I can't
picture her with anybody except for the jocks/skaters/etc."

But truly the only thing I hate about my appearance is my face and, as mentioned
before, how I'm pretty skinny. From the neck down, I really do like how I look. I
love the things I wear. And this isn't one of those "I love my clothes, but others
think they're ugly" situations. They really are clothes that look good. I just don't
have the looks to match, if that makes sense. Ugh, I just wish I could hurry and get
my contacts, get some type of coloring or look for my hair. [While keeping it the
same long-ish length, of course.]

Plus,I just wish that not all girls [atleast at my school] only looked for
appearance. Dunno, once again.

Second thing:
This has to do with me wishing I wasn't as skinny. I do like being skinny, but as I
said, I just wish I wasn't AS skinny. Pretty much, I just wish I was stronger in many
ways. Physically, emotionally, etc. Why I wish for this is because I really want to
be able to stand up against those who are bullying the weak. You know, kinda like
Jimmy Hopkins from the game Bully. [Read Jimmy's
definition, and other things about the game and him.] When it comes to this subject,
Jimmy is my hero. Okay, back on topic: I don't necessarily get picked on. But alot of
people talk shit to/about me, when they DON'T KNOW SHIT. I could easily named several
people in my grade [8th grade, btw. People need to fucking grow up.] that are picked
on, and bullied. I-I just want to be able to be strong enough to defend those people,
with words and maybe even physically. But I can't. I don't have the courage, or the
toughness to back up that courage. I just want to teach those assholes a lesson. I
want to fucking make them realize that they are, in a way, just as weak as those who
they are picking on. I want them to realize that, and become bullies to those who are
bullies to the weak, and so on and so forth, too. I know this might not make sense,
but yeah.

Both of these things have pretty much one thing in common.
I want people to respect me and like me, and respect and like others.
I guess that's what you could say that they both have in common.
Or atleast that's what I wish for about the second thing.
*Sigh* I don't fucking know once again.

Now, on the bright side:
This weekend is a four-day weekend, and I'm supposed to be hanging out with Milton
for the first time in more than a month. I haven't even talked to him on the phone
since then, either, because he's [supposedly] very busy said his dad on the phone a
couple of times. Now I could easily turn this into something negative, but I won't.
Anyway, I don't know if he has a four-day weekend where he now lives, or not. I sure
hope so.

Lmao, notice how the negatives outweighed the positives.
I could easily type about more negative things, more details [some making the
subjects make more since], but I've seriously been typing this for an hour or longer,
even though I told myself I was going to make this short. So, I'm finally going to
end this long-ass diary entry. If you read this whole thing, I love you, you're a
great person, and you win over 9000 points. [Doubt anybody will, without falling



foreverchacha says:   12 February 2009   845446  
Points are lovely, but what exactly can they be redeemed for? :P 8th
grade was irritating for myself (I can't pretend I know what it's like
for a guy, because I'm pretty sure there are quite a few differences.
Example 1 : I could tell quite a few people to drop dead without being
punched in the face. >_>

I rarely came across any males in that grade who would have the focus
to type out an entry. They didn't even have the focus to hold a
conversation involving more than their interests. ._.; Not that I'm
stereotyping! Ah, but you do seem to be very...interesting, and I hope
a girl comes along who can at least keep you entertained for as long
as it'll last.  

Have a good day hun!
‹♥lexxie♥츄~› says:   12 February 2009   211942  
OVER 9000!

Go me. 
I DID read the whole thing.
If you wanna talk about ANYTHING I am here for ya, Babe.

Haywait. Im a girl. Go me!
‹GatorBoots› says:   12 February 2009   772987  
Thanks, both of you.
_BlAcK_RoSe_ says:   12 February 2009   725427  
I read the whole thing :D

But Aaron, I DEFINETELY know how you feel. I think of myself as ugly,
and I don't really like anything about myself. But sometimes I force
myself to say, "I am pretty, I am good-looking." Even if I don't
believe it, it helps a little bit. Although in your case replace
"pretty" with "handsome" or something xD

But looks AREN'T everything. And I can tell you right now that you've
got a kick-ass personality that can get you through anything ;]

And with the bullies, its sad...but you've got to accept that some
people (most) are assholes. I'm in 9th grade, and my high school
experience isn't that different from my elementary school one. You've
just got to laugh it off, and just let them be ignorant fools. They'll
pay in the future. But I also understand about how you want to defend
those being bullied. If you want to say something about it, just go
right ahead and do it. If they say that they're going to kick you ass
or something, most of the time they're just all talk and no action.
Trust me, I know. I hear my friends getting bullied, and when they
defend themselves they always get threatened. But hey, not one of them
has been in any kind of physical fight yet.

I just want you to feel better about youself, because you're a great
person, truely you are. And as your friend, I want you to be happy :]
So c'mon, chin up. I PROMISE you, that if you start getting will go more smooth than you could imagine. I've been
there, and done that. So trust me when I say it. Just ignore the
idiots, they're not important. Don't let them get to you. Get a little
conceited ;] It works for your self-esteem. Confidence is what makes
guys and girls sexy.

So feel better, Aaron. But if you still feel bad, I'm here for ya',
and I always will be (:

This long-ass comment is brought to you by Bri, yours truely ;]
‹GatorBoots› says:   12 February 2009   592916  
I love you. :DD
That was such a great comment.
‹Vengeance› says:   17 February 2009   119642  
w0ot i read the whole thing now hand it ovah fooh lol jk
‹TayyTayy;;FadingStarLight♥› says :   22 February 2009   384468  
i read the whole thing

i love it that a guy actually has the focus to care enough to get his
feelings out there. and i do the same thing-seein couples with envy
and ily
you sound amazingly sweet and idc wat ya look like 
i hope we can get to be good friends mkay ta

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