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This diary entry is written by SilentlyLoud. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: Diary 20 August 2017 in category (general)

Good music mix and some ramblingCategory: (general)
Sunday, 5 November 2017
11:46:16 PM (GMT) (good mix)

Being in college has been overall really great so far, mainly because it gave me a
way to completely remove myself from the environment I'd been in my whole like.
Starting new is really nice and refreshing. Of course there's been some shitty
things, but mostly only with a couple annoying classes. But since they only last a
semester I can't complain too much.
One thing that's made itself astoundingly clear since I've been practically on my own
though, is that I am not a very noteworthy person. I'm in no way a bad person of
course, I think I'm just trying to say I'm pretty neutral ground, so as to say,
there's nothing at all astounding about me. I guess this isn't the worst thing in the
world to be, not by a long shot. But it is slightly disheartening. I used to think I
was so smart and that that, in some way, made me unique. I thought I was cool and
quirky somehow. But that's just because there just weren't that many people around
me, relatively speaking. Now that I just belong to a giant sea of people, I've
realized that there is very little that is interesting about me. This become
especially clear when meeting new people. When asked what I like to do I have pretty
much no answer. I say I like watching movies (which is true, I love cinema), but I
don't watch them regularly enough or keep up with the latest releases, so I have to
say I like doing that conceptually, as in, I would do it a lot if I had the time and
patience to sit still. Sometimes I say I like writing, but again, I don't really do
it much. I just like the idea of it. I've also realized I have practically no
talents, at least to my knowledge I don't. I can write a bullshit stream of
consciousness diary pretty easily but I don't that really constitutes as a talent
(though I wish it did). I don't even have a 'sort of' talent. Like some people play
instruments. They may not be musical geniuses, but they still have that ability. Not
me though. I don't play an instrument. I don't do art (I guess I can, but not so much
so where it could be considered a talent). This is slightly frustrating sometimes
because I feel like if I had some sort of hobby or was talented at a particular skill
I could pass my time a little more thoughtfully. A lot of the time (if I have time)
I'll just sit and watch videos and mindlessly flip though social media accounts.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against these platforms and I definitely think
they are super cool to have access to. But, lately I've been finding myself wasting
time as opposed to spending time which really bothers me. In the process of wasting
time, I never feel as though I am though, because it doesn't feel like I'm doing
anything for that long, it's almost like there is no concept of time when you're
watching videos or mindlessly scrolling though the internet (at least in my
experience). I just wish I had something else to fill my down time with. Something
that feels fulfilling. Something that could make me a more interesting person.

a_username_that_describes_me says :   8 November 2017   553349  
same though except i hate college lmao


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