Monday, 21 August 2017
03:05:46 AM (GMT)
This post is just going to be rambling. I honestly only started writing cause I
wanted to look like I was doing something. Sorry if it's a little too disjointed.
It's the night before classes start and I just really felt like writing something.
I've grown up with this website (I've probably been on and off for about 10 years
now) and it just seems fitting.
I'm your stereotypical mixture of nervousness and excitement. The only thing that
sucks is that I feel like I haven't felt really like myself yet I don't think. I've
met plenty of people I think I like and I want to grow really close to people and
have meaningful connections, but I think I'm too caught up in trying to make everyone
think I'm relatable and that I'm worth talking because I think if I didn't make that
effort no one would talk to me. I also haven't met a people of varying personality
types yet. I've mostly just been associating with nerdy meme-loving fucks. Nothing
wrong with that honestly because I am practically the same. But I want to be able to
branch out and maybe meet someone a little different? I don't know, I have a hard
time putting effort into doing that so I usually just wait for others. And obviously
that never ends well cause we either talk once with mindless small talk, or we just
don't talk in general. I don't know. I just have this weird desire to feel what it's
like to be an edgy teen without a care in the world cause I've never felt like that
and if I ever want to experience that I need to branch out and go out of my comfort
zone at some point.
I also really miss writing. Like legitimate writing, not just rambling. I want to
learn how to become a compelling writer who can captivate an audience. When I say I
like writing, I always feel like a fake because I never actually write and whenever I
decide to I am too critical of my work and it never gets finished. I just love the
concept of writing. When I read poetry I always aspire to be like the author. I want
to be able to feel and have the diction and syntax to pour it all over the page. But
I'm much too critical of anything I write, usually because it sounds too basic or
like I'm trying way too hard. I have a hard time striking a beautiful balance. This
is at least true for things I try writing for fun. I feel like I typically do well
with essays, but writing is much more than research essays. I want to be artistic,
not just analytical.
I've written enough. Bye.