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This diary entry is written by ‹Cowards•Are•Golden›. ( View all entries )
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Why do I do this to myself?Category: (general)
Sunday, 23 September 2012
12:40:06 PM (GMT)
Okay so I'm probably over thinking this. And I shouldn't be. But it is really
frustrating me.
I should have said no.
Because now I feel like I have to commit to something I don't know if I want to
commit to.
I never thought I'd be this type of person. I mean... I get frustrated with my friend
for doing this... But I think I'm a little afraid of relationships?
Okay so one date doesn't equate a relationship.
But what if he wants to have one!?
How am I going to tell him "I don't think I want this. Can we just be friends?"
I feel guilty and horrible and at first I was all "He is nice. I can be nice too and
let him have this"
But now i just feel like I'm leading him on or something. And I hate hurting people's
Even if it was somebody I liked a lot who asked me I still feel like I would be weird
about it.
I'm awkward and shy. I have never had a boyfriend, let alone a date, let alone kissed
anybody, or even slow danced.
Oh gosh. What if he tries to kiss me or something!?
I don't think I could do that.
Shit. Why did I say yes!?
I know I told Katie and Alaena "I'll probably say yes, because any friend of ours is
nice and I could at least try it" but HE was the LAST person I would have ever
expected. Yes he is nice. Yes he is a great friend. But... He is also the type of guy
I never thought was really into the whole dating game, so I kind of just shoved the
possibility aside. And now, because I was stupid and got myself roped into it, I have
to go see a movie with him in 2 hours and I just... Feel awful. And nervous. Because
I only see him as a friend. And I don't know if I can see him as more.
I wish I was back to being the girl who only wished for things like this to happen. I
can finally see why some girls complain about stuff like this.

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