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This diary entry is written by picklez. ( View all entries )
 
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now that I think about it...Category: (general)
Friday, 22 June 2012
02:22:02 AM (GMT)
So now that I think about it, either way, I would have been screwed. Either way I
would have come out of that dance wishing for a different outcome. There was no
better option. 

I ... I guess even if you knew how I felt, it wouldn't have changed much. Because we
still would have been too... too... something to work out. And either way, something
would have been lost.

~But something's lost and something's gained in living every day~

And I guess that's okay that this is what I've lost.
So, I guess I can't be entirely sure that I've lost it yet... but if I have...

I've lost you, but I've gained peace.

Because if you do end up completely gone, I can live with that, and I can make peace
with that fact.

                                                       ...             I think.

And if I can't, well, something will be worked out.
and if nothing is worked out...
then I'll make peace with the fact eventually, when given no other options.

Because the fact that I've lost our possible us doesn't mean I've lost all of my
possible us's.  I still have my friendships and my family. And maybe some day, I will
have a romantic kind of us. And if it's not OUR romantic us, and mine and someone
else's romantic us, I can live with that.

And I will be okay, because 

1

us
isn't my everything.

Comments 
picklez says :   22 June 2012   521458  
I used to look for someone to blame, to shift it all towards you and
keep myself from feeling guilty, but it never worked anyway. I always
found myself sitting there wondering if it wasn't all my fault,
wondering if I was the one who had created the whole crazy situation.

But now I realize loading all the blame on someone doesn't help
anything. It doesn't matter who's fault it really was. You can blame
just about anything or anyone. What matters is that everyone comes out
of the situation with something new and good that they've gained.
Either way, something would have been lost, but that's okay.

Because in life you will lose things. It's not about never losing
anything. It's about properly accepting and making peace with what
you've lost and gained along the way.
 

 
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