Saturday, 20 November 2010
07:56:50 AM (GMT)
Its kind of cold here where I live. My eyes are blood shot from lack of sleep. My
ears ring with the moaning and screaming from my sobbing fest last night. My stomach
growls for food but i don't wanna feed it, I'm not good enough to eat. He had
brainwashed me to think I was better.Now he's gone, my worlds collapsing. I don't
understand this feeling. I can't explain this pain. I don't think anyone could
understand. I speak like this is a story but I cannot explain the reality of this. I
have drawn on my whole left arm. swirls and designs. They have no meaning but I'm 15
with no real purpose. I'm only writing this to;well, there is no meaning behind this.
just a random shit fest of the brain. Its really cold right now. I'm barely
clothes....I take it as a punishment. My mother normally comes home at 6 or 7 at
night...but last night she wasn't home till around 10. i don't understand why but i
refuse to ask because its her own damn business. Plus she already has a boyfriend. so
I think. I am sitting at a desk with an empty cup and a cell phone that never rings.
I feel unloved any of the time yet i don't bother to tell anyone. I am lonely right
now, very lonely. I listen to music in my head but never bother to get real music. I
like to draw though I'm awful. This has no meaning, nothing has a meaning yet in our
dictionary's nothing has a meaning. our words mean something because someone said
they meant something. What if i made a new word and said it meant something dose that
make it a real word? no it doesn't because its not in the dictionary. could i ever
get it in a dictionary? probably not because it would be a "nonsense" word. I don't
understand our culture. Our way of thinking things aren't real even though they
obviously are. Why do baby's drool? because they can. Why do women get periods? so we
can have children. Whats the point in doing all this if our life's eventually have no
lasting effect. Aside from destruction of trees and animals. Why do we exist. We just
waste soil and feed off our planet. Why can't we live in harmony with everything? is
it that hard to put aside our animistic superintendence and just be kind? Maybe I'll
never get it. Maybe no one will read this. I probably wont get any answers....I don't
even know if i really want any answers.
What am I supposed to be...I'm lost and confused this is a shit mess of nonsense that
has no point or realistic meaning to anyone...i doubt anyone could understand these
But this is the thoughts of a broken mind.
And insane mind.
thank you for reading this and if you didn't and just skipped to here....well fuck