Friday, 9 July 2010
03:44:34 AM (GMT)
I do, and it totally sucks.
Just let me tell you something before i rant on for hours and hours
erlier today, i was so amazingly happy i thought NOTHING in the world could bring me
down! my friend drew me a very nice picture. i chatted with people for hours. the
sims2 downloads were goin great for me i even found a David bowie one! 8Dand friends
i havn't heard from in forever-started talking to me! and . i finally felt like i had
real friends. Like. Best friends. and i was so amazingly frickin happy like i said
before ;D and i thought nothing in the world could get me down!
i was feeling GREAT! on top of the world! but then,... of course..it all came
then a certain friend,... told me something i just did not want to hear.
and.. it tore me to pieces... because..we've always been together.
of course i promised i wouldn't tell anybody, and being the fried i am im not! im
just saying i hate holding secrets. yea, i end up usually forgetting them hence why
everyone tells me there secrets. but i just hate having all that weight on me. and
what I hate even more that that, is having to lie for them.
because outt of all the things in the world that make me angry, are lies. Everybody
normally has to deal with them unless your lucky and everyone's truthful to you.
unlike me, not only am i the last to know about something that everyone already knows
but, well, being surrounded by liars, people who hate, people who abandon, all of
that jazz, it just pisses me off.
but i ..ugh..i dunno. im just tired of all this. why can't everybody do what they
were told when they were younger?
even the little stuff.
Now, they act like it never even happened. and even when i tell then, its bad , its
stupid, it'll ruin there life forever.... all they say is " i know." then why the
hell do they do it? do they want to get hurt? ni trouble? or even die?!
I could care less about all the drama and crap from little stuff to "you never gave
me back my pencil" or to "Lebran's a traitor!" or however that guys name is spelled.
am i really, the only kid, ..no.. teenager. or person. that even cares about there
life and future?
whatever happened to all of those stupid DARE programs that we promised to never to
do stupid stuff. what about when we were little and we giggled and thought boys had
cooties. When we used to build club houses houses out of blankets and you absououtley
HAD to have the password to come in. or even the times we played house or dolls
together. Now, the person who always forgets everything,... remembers the most
important things in life. Are you reeally this stupid!? I hate being this way, but i
want all of my friends, and yes, sometimes my family to be safe and healthy. Is that
to much to ask? When you do this, its not hurting just you. Its hurting all the
people around you.
Why did you, or me, we, everybody have to change. sure, im still the little kid, but
i mean im not a jerk anymore so yes, i admit i changed. but I changed for the greater
good. So I could move on with my life and still be happy. but now, looking into the
past is to hurtful. because I know,.... I'm never gonna see certain people ever
again. im never gonna giggle with my friends and family like i used too. im never,
ever, gonna be with the same people playing games with them the same way. Now,
everything innocent gets turned into something perverted. Now, people have other
people. Now, when i cry, people just stare at me, then talk about behind my back
later. not like back then when if i would've cried they would ask me repeatedly if i
was 'okay' and ask me if i wanted a blues clues band-aid or a Garfield one.
Everything's completely different.
but what really gets me..is that..i wasted those opportunities. instead of playing
house, i would play PS2. instead of going outside i would stay in and watch tv. I
really do wish i could relive those moments and change everything! back at that age i
wasn't a jerk, i was just ignorant.
and i don't want anybody's pity..because..it wont' change anything. not a gawsh
darned thing. and just because im angry, and sad, and upset don't mean im gonna start
cussing no the internet because, they're still children and young ones that get no
this site. although i doubt any of them would take the time to read this. hah, it'd
be to boring. :]
i act like a kid, and think like someone a little older my age. almost like an adult.
I just miss the old days.
nd i may just be the only teenager to ever admit this whos not from a tv show but,
yeah i get jealous.
and im not just talking about peoples mad drawing skills either .
i mean, just like everyday stupid stuff.
Like, sometimes not being pretty enough, never having a boyfriend, or being the kid
that dosn't have everything new and all that much stuff like everyone else. sure i
don't like to admit it, but its true! phft, but that dosn't mean i go around
desperately searching and asking for this stuff.
I just don't know about change..wether i should love it for changing me to be so
different and nicer towards people now,..or to hate it for tearing my loved ones and
best friends away from me.
well gee, that was fun wasn't it? I always seem to just ruin everyones good mood too
:/ thats why i try and throw at least a little bit of humor here and there but no t
so much to get thrown off topic, ya'know what i mean? :P
So why did the chicken cross the road? :3
you know i never did get the ending to that joke so why did the chicken cross
the road? o_o'