Tuesday, 5 May 2009
09:21:23 PM (GMT)
Okay well, Im going to write about some of the sihit going on in my life
right now,because i have to vent somhow, it will go back to the past, If any of u
read all of this thnk u soo much, u meen the world to me <3<3
Okay so one of my friends has recently lost som1 very very dear to them and i have
been helping him throo this.
But he has told me recently that he has started to see this person, at that moment a
hole bunch of things floaded back into my mind about somthing that happened to me and
i have been thinking about it ever since. (this is where it goes back to the past)
About 3 years ago i lost my older cuzin craig <3
He was my life, i was always with him no matter what.
It was very rare to see me without him.
He cared for me so much (somtimes better than my parents).
I could go to him about anything and he would always help me.
Unfortunalty we were in the rong place at the rong time and very very bad people
tried to hurt my cuzin, and succeded in doing so.
When Craig seen these people coming he told me to hind in the bush in the corner, i
refused, but he made me.
Allot of things happened that i am not willing to type here.
But in the end Craig was stabbed severel times in th arm, neck, leg, stomach & other
I stood and watched this happen to him.
When the people left i ran to Craigs side and held him in my arms.
A paser-by seen me in the distance and came running to our aid.
He died in my arms that night and i will never forget it.<3<3<3<3
For two weeks after that, i locked my self in my room, didnt eat, nor sleep, i was a
My parents were worried, my school was worried, evryone was worried.
I burned all pictures of Me and Craig and pictures of Craig, Evrything gone.
I wanted rid of anything to do with him because evreytime i seen something that
reminded me of him, i wept.
I was suicidal.
But then ( people might think im crazy for this but i dont care ) i started to feel
craig and hear him.
He would be with me all the time, and he told me even in death we would still be
together, that he would never leave me.
I loved it at the start, but then i started to lose touch with friends, i would
ignore phone calls, not go out with anyone (including family)
I was going insane.
2 weeks passed with 'the ghost of Craig'. I had started felling him in school,
hearing him in school.
Then i would talk to him, that added to people thinking i was crazy.
TO BE CONTINUED THANK YOU FOR READING
Anyway where was i, ah yes i see.
After hearing him in school for a while i started to beieve that he wasn't actually
That he was still there and he didnt actually die that it was just my
imagination acting up.
I soon realized that it was actually real.
That was at the funeral a while later...
Having Craig with me after he was dead didn't really bother me.
Its like he was gone, but still there.
I loved it, i would sit for hours in my bedroom with him, just talking
He would help me with school work, In and out of school and help me with any other
problems i had.
Just like usual when he was here.
TO BE CONTINUED
After a while he started coming to me less and less.
At first it was only a few days that i hadn't seen him, then, it changed into
a few weeks.
Until eventually, he stopped coming all together.
I was even worse than before, becuase it was like losing him again.
I went back to not eating or sleeping & my social life was even worse than before.
I locked myself in my room again and only came out when i had to use the bathroom or
if i was going to faint if i didn't eat or drink.
I went back to been suicidal
I eventually went to see a counciler and she helped me allot.
She told me to look at it as if Craig left for me
Because he knew that if he stayed with me, it wouldn't let me get over him, Which i
had to do, desspretly.
I was slowly recovering. Very slowly
I started to eat more, go out more, with family first, then friends.
It took me a full year to recover from the death of Craig.
And im still finding it hard just now.
Truth told, If it wasn't for that Counciler, i wouldn't be here today.
I owe her my life.
Anyway back to the present.
With what my friend told me he is the same as me.
Im tryin to tell him to be careful i want him, Nononono NEED him to let
go sooner than i did.
The same can't happen to him, that happened to me.
And all this happening is just bringing back wayyy to many memorys that would rather
Another thing happening ( don't worry this won't be as long as the other one lol )
The other week i wasn't feeling well in school.
So i asked my friend if she had any pain killers with her she replyed yes, so i took
Well you see, my friend is 2 years older than me and it was her last day in school
before she went on study leave.
So she was a little bit stonned OKAY NO! She was a BIG bit stonned.
I found out later on that what i took wasn't pain killers atall, I still don't even
know what they were tbh.
But that night i felt terrible.
I was sick allot and i hated it
Since then i havn't been right.
I've been dizzy when i move to fast, I've had really bad headaches and i just
don't know what's wromg with me.
What did she give me??
My parents are paraniod and they get on my nerves all the time.
They think im starving my self to get slimmer, the other week there they thought i
had a tattoo that i was tryin to hide from them.
And then on Monday my mum took me out shopping to get a new outfit for the Girls
Aloud Concert with the £50 my dad gave me a couple of weeks ago.
And i knew what outfit i wanted and where to get it because i'd already chosen it i
just had to go and buy it.
So instead of going to the shop first my mum takes me around other shops to see if i
like anything else.
I kept walking into shops and just standing waiting for her to come out.
She got so pissed at me, so we finally got to the shop and i got my stuff.
I then wanted to go and meet up with my friends that were already in town and he told
me no that i came out with her so i was stayin with her all day.
So we got into a big fight in the middle of town and she told me to just go with my
But when i got home she was a total bitch and kept nagging me to do this and do
My dad told me that i should apoligize to her because she walked away from me so
angry and upset.
I told him no because it was her been the stuck up cow she always is that made me do
i still havn't apollogized and don't plan to anytime soon.
Well thats that I fell allot better
Thank You Soo Much If You Actually Had The Patience To Sit and Read All That
Love Caitlin xoxoxoxo
Last edited: 6 May 2009