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Confusion.Category: (general)
Sunday, 21 December 2008
04:08:23 PM (GMT)
What is it about you that makes me raise into the wake of the morning, covering me with a blanket of happiness that awakens my senses to notice all the beautiful and wonderful things about this life? And what is it about you that opens my eyes and throws me back into reality, shoving me back into my slowly state of black and blue; Depression. The sweet little colors that I'd grown so used to while you were away, while you were gone without me. You left me. Left me to wallow-- to soak in the see of loneliness until my skin wreaked of sorrow. But after all of that which made me grow to hate you, made me want to rip your heart out through your chest just as you did to me; how can I still be so willing to let you back in? To watch you coming back to me as I wait with a smile and open arms, a heart ready to be slit one more time. A wider smile for every time your words stabbed me in the back. Wider arms for every time your touched me, just to leave me behind. Brighter eyes for every time I had to wait for you in this little pit of black and blue. Livelier voice for each time you laugh at me. But what was it about him that brought me back? What was it about him that made me forget you so easily? What was it about him that reminded me that I AM actually worth something without you? Was it how every time he spoke to me, it was because he wanted to talk to me, not to laugh at me? Was it how every time he touched me it was to feel me, to let me not he was there? Was it how every time I looked at him he wouldn't look away but he'd smile? Was it how whenever he laughs it's with me not at me? But why does none of that matter to me anymore now that you're back? Why can't my heart allow me to be happy without having to lie to me? Why can't I live without you? Why would I rather be depressed and be around you than be happy with anyone else? Why can't I stop loving you!? And why can't you love me?

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