Thursday, 14 August 2008
06:02:53 AM (GMT)
Yesterday I was bored enough to catch Demetri Martin's special "Person".
He's hilarious. x]
I liked his "findings". I agree with most of them.
Especially the one about glass houses and Hummer owners, oh, and the pie chart of
He's that kind of person who will just say whatever comes to him in a very
uninterested way. Deadpan comedy has never been funnier, imo.
Except when he preforms with Will Forte, then he can't stop cracking up. But,
then again, who can't?
When a dude is screaming "FORTNIGHT, OTHER PREVIOUS JOKES, BATMAN SOUNDS", how can
you not laugh?
My favourite jokes:
"(Showing an empty circle) This is the pie chart of procrastination."
"(Graph of Hummer owners) Dildoes is almost 15%, which is weird, because I've
never had to pluralize dildoes before. It looks like Dill does..."
"How many dildoes were there?" "I don't know but I'm sore and I wanna go home."
"I'm in a weird position, because I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So whenever I go
out wearing a rainbow shirt, I have to put "Not gay." But I'm not against gays, so
under that I'll have to put "... but supportive." It's weird how one group of people
took refracted light. That's very greedy, gays."
"I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds." You know. Rock breaks scissors. These
scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So I lose. Scissors cuts
paper. These are strips. This is not even paper. It's gonna take me forever to put
this back together. Paper covers rock. (Pause) Rock is fine. No structural damage to
rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
There should be Rock, Dynamite with a Cutable Wick, Scissors."
"Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type "lol". I type "lqtm": "laugh quietly to
myself". It's more honest."
I will now type lqtm when I find something funny.
My absolute favourite:
"There's a saying that goes "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."
Okay. How about "Nobody should throw stones." That's crappy behavior. My policy is:
"No stone throwing regardless of housing situation." Don't do it. There is one
exception though. If you're trapped in a glass house, and you have a stone, then
throw it. What are you, an idiot? So maybe it's "Only people in glass houses should
throw stones, provided they are trapped in the house with a stone." It's a little
longer, but yeah."
^Words of wisdom.
Anyone who thinks those were funny should really look him up on Youtube.
You should also check out his bit with Will Forte. He repeats a lot of his jokes, but
Will makes it funnier.