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an emo break down: is this a transformation?Category: (general)
Saturday, 1 September 2007
10:56:23 AM (GMT)
yesterday i had a break down...CJ and i fought like normal...but she threw Kairi
across the the room and she broke(Kairi's a toy). I wasn't that bad i could've fixed
her but her foot came off and i could find it. This all seems really stupid right
now, but am the time it seemed so much more inmportant. From there i went down hill,
saying i hated her, and that i could kill her. I began just rambling on about stuff
that had nothing to do with that. Saying i want to go home where everything was okay.
i even went down that whole "i'm fat and ugly" road again. slowly i started doubting
my existant and saying that none of this was worth it.... baisically i just wanted to
die right then and there. it got worse when i could find my journal or scetchbook, my
usual outlet for pain like that. then i remembered my friend saying that cutting
herself takes the pain away...so i scratched my arms up with my finger nails and dug
them into the skin. there was no blood, i just broke the skin, but still, i felt like
my pain was released and was better, aleast until the stinging stopped.i think i hav
depression, it runs in my family, and heard that people who suffer from depresson can
hav breakdowns like that over little things. i had a treacher who was depressed and
she told us that not being able to find a pair of pants set off one of her
breakdowns. i know whats wronge i just don't know how to get help.....

Comments 
ndabf says:   1 September 2007   567899  
wow. i get like that sometimes. dont worry. you'll get through it
so_bored says :   1 September 2007   384323  
honestly jacksfriend...i've felt like just dropping dead at times
before...but i knew i couldn't and i wouldn't give up on life...cause
i knew that i still had you

 
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