Part 1 Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 

This diary entry is written by bird_man_jr. ( View all entries )

Part 1Category: British Jokes
Thursday, 12 April 2007
01:47:57 PM (GMT)
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his
left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the
doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly"



A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the
table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:

"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"

"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."


What is the longest word in the English language?

"Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!


There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are

2 birds. The other 3 fly away!


An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is
nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."


The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish
husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at
her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell
you he was stupid?"


What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.


Mark called in to see his friend Angus (a Scotman) to find he was stripping the
wallpaper from the walls. Rather obviously, he remarked "You're decorating, I see."
to which Angus replied "No. I'm moving house."


One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They
each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy
beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick
head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out
of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman,
too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling,


Be the first to comment:

Next entry: Part 2 in category British Jokes
Related Entries
‹∞ Directioner ∞›: Another World Civ Rant high school
GreenStar: Rant On Holidays Rants
LittleDoll: Breaking down. RANT
‹DasAtem›: Rants of wonderful..anger ^^ random :D
broken_into_hearts: RANT RANT RANT

About Kupika    Contact    FAQs    Terms of Service    Privacy Policy    Online Safety
Copyright © 2005-2012