Friday, 27 October 2017
12:33:49 AM (GMT)
I have absolutely no idea why I'm so upset. It's those moments when there is
absolutely NOTHING to be upset about, yet you still have these negative feelings.
Like, there is nothing to complain about. I know I've had an easier life compared to
the shit my peers have to go through. I have it real easy. Yet, I still managed to
have a pretty shitty week. Mind you, it wasn't the whole entire week; more like 2 bad
days that overshadowed the good/neutral ones. Thing is, I can't remember what set me
off. It's the little things. Some snarky remark made by a teacher, wondering if my
friend is ok (haven't heard from him since Monday, so I'm really worried), being
sleep-deprived because I'm expected to get my work done, stress, etc. etc.
I don't get it, though. I'm supposed to be happy. I mean, what's a young girl like me
supposed to be sad about? Literally nothing! And yet, i still have bad days. Don't we
all? I literally wake up every damn morning with a positive attitude because I know
that me being upset isn't going to cheer up anyone. I feel like it's my obligation to
cheer people up. In no way do I mean it in a bad way. I like to feel helpful. I love
cheering people up. But sometimes, it's hard to cheer others up when you can't cheer
yourself up that day, you know?
It takes a lot for me to have a bad day. And I mean A LOT. Like, someone or something
would have to go out of their way to see me sad. I am so stubborn, that even then I
won't let anything bring me down. I'm the one who's supposed to be cheerful. This
time, however, I gave up. Woah, that sounds dramatic as fuck. I gave up in the sense
that i admitted to myself:
"Yes, I'm having a bad day."
I was in so much denial, so convinced that I'm doing "just fine."
I don't know. This is all a mental process. Trying to figure things out. And WOW, do
I sound so dramatic. Meh, it's a process. A slow process, but a process nonetheless.