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This diary entry is written by ‹Saudade›. ( View all entries )
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the future.Category: (general)
Thursday, 13 June 2013
10:34:24 PM (GMT)
There are moments when, I feel like I need to let you go.

because not only am I holding you back,

But you're holding me back.

I feel like there are so many wondrous, beautiful things I want to do with my life.
and honestly, I feel like you get in the way of all of it. I want to go to college in
a state I've never been to, instead of having to worry about where you might go. I
want to do the most exhilarating things. I want to visit all of the people I've only
been able to talk to for the last 6 years, I want to go to huge anime conventions
I've always wanted to that you don't like, to go to concerts of musicians you hate
and I love, I want to attend inspiring musicals you wouldn't go with me to, to become
friends with people that you don't have to bitch to me about. To be able to travel,
and feel emotions without your judgement. To not have your expectations breathing
down my throat.

There are so many things I could do and some many things I could feel without you.
and yet I love you now, and I don't want to lose you. You're my constant, never
changing, opinionated you. It would be easy, it would be safe, to live a life near
here, with you. It would be simple.

And maybe it's because i'm a teenager, but I don't want simple, I don't really want
safe, or never changing. I want something exciting, a life to be proud of, to do all
of the things i've always wanted to do and more, things that are closed off if I stay
with you. Because even though I'm graduating at the end of the next school year, i'm
only 15. I'm not ready to grow up, i'm not ready to settle down and live a 'safe'
life. I'm too young for that, I want to live a little. and If I were to stay with you
it'd be settling down too early, and growing up too fast. 

So what do I do?

‹✬Kaybell❣› says:   14 June 2013   992478  
Weigh it out, Ally. List pros and cons of each. Use your experience,
or just ask for space. This kind of thing happens often a lot more
than you think. I can't say I haven't lived to the fullest, but then
again the fullest I want, the guy I like doesn't particularly mind as
long as it's not drugs and over doing the alcohol. With me and how I
am, I rather live a life full of love and comfort and fun, and if that
one guy I want to be with forever can't supply me all of that, than
it's either me be miserable throughout half my life or find someone
who would. Not that it'd be easy, but I believe that there is
someone out there who would love you in every aspect and
does tend to have wild moments with you and scold you for those that
are extremely idiotic and immature. They are hard to find, but those
people are your true piece of forever. I don't know if Mexican is all
of that to you, and that's up for you to decide.

You're right about one thing: you are too young. I am too young. You
should know by now, however, how you want to spend your next five
years. And if he is going to be your obstacle, change your route or
ditch the obstacle. COMPLETELY UP TO YOU.
‹Saudade› says:   14 June 2013   774412  
ugh. Mic, Mic, Mic.
Have I ever told you that you're my perfect voice of reason? I WANT

It's just like. I know people say that there are things you have to
compromise with relationships and what not, and sometimes he really
does make me happy. But then there are parts of him that I honestly
can't stand, like his anger, and how he treats my
depression/self-harm, and all of these other things. it's like. I
don't know... honestly? i'll probably stay with him at least until i
go to college, where ever that may be, I've come to the point where I
don't even know what I want to do. 
‹✬Kaybell❣› says:   14 June 2013   535197  
Haha. I LOVE YOU, TOO. <3 How's that sound?

And no, you haven't.

Well, of course that's what people say. It's the easy way out in this
situation. They don't tell you that you end up picking a choosing.
Even if he makes you happy at times doesn't mean he's the
one. That's what you are confusing, dear. You said so in your
statement above. Of course, the one you end up with forever and ever
will have faults, but he shouldn't disrespect you or put you down.
Ever. You, amazing and beautiful girl, deserve so much better
than to be happy when he is and suffer and be let down when he doesn't
agree with what you have done or are tempted to do. You'll go down in
a spiral, and quite frankly, I rather beat his ass for taking you down
so far and scold you for letting him than watch you tear yourself
apart for his sake. Don't forget a relationship is a give and take
kind of ordeal. And it seems you are giving a lot more than you are

Ah, that doesn't mean I'm telling you to break up with him. I'm just
saying make sure you don't get so sucked in to where you are only
getting hurt. 
‹Saudade› says:   14 June 2013   800318  
‹✬Kaybell❣› says :   14 June 2013   818690  
DIDN'T WE AGREE TO THIS SOME TIME AGO?! <3 Love you, too. (: 


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