This diary entry is written by ‹Saudade›. ( View all entries )
Thursday, 13 June 2013
10:34:24 PM (GMT)
There are moments when, I feel like I need to let you go.
because not only am I holding you back,
But you're holding me back.
I feel like there are so many wondrous, beautiful things I want to do with my life.
and honestly, I feel like you get in the way of all of it. I want to go to college in
a state I've never been to, instead of having to worry about where you might go. I
want to do the most exhilarating things. I want to visit all of the people I've only
been able to talk to for the last 6 years, I want to go to huge anime conventions
I've always wanted to that you don't like, to go to concerts of musicians you hate
and I love, I want to attend inspiring musicals you wouldn't go with me to, to become
friends with people that you don't have to bitch to me about. To be able to travel,
and feel emotions without your judgement. To not have your expectations breathing
down my throat.
There are so many things I could do and some many things I could feel without you.
and yet I love you now, and I don't want to lose you. You're my constant, never
changing, opinionated you. It would be easy, it would be safe, to live a life near
here, with you. It would be simple.
And maybe it's because i'm a teenager, but I don't want simple, I don't really want
safe, or never changing. I want something exciting, a life to be proud of, to do all
of the things i've always wanted to do and more, things that are closed off if I stay
with you. Because even though I'm graduating at the end of the next school year, i'm
only 15. I'm not ready to grow up, i'm not ready to settle down and live a 'safe'
life. I'm too young for that, I want to live a little. and If I were to stay with you
it'd be settling down too early, and growing up too fast.
So what do I do?
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