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This diary entry is written by lillymill. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: Yay, more crappy poetry! in category Poem

And so I shall remain....Category: Personal Prose
Wednesday, 29 May 2013
06:16:07 PM (GMT)
The question that is always asked:
How are you?
good, how are you?
fine, thank you.

But what about:
How are you really?
Just ask me for the truth and I'll hand it over.
How am I really?
I'm lonely.
Not the cute pining over this guy that is in love with this other girl and I wish he
would realize his dream girl is standing right in front of him kind of lonely.
No, I don't have enough confidence for that.
I'm not even pining over anybody.
I'm just lonely.
Not the tragic kind of lonely that people write about in books and plays where the
person is truly, completely alone in that perfect sort of way.
I'm not utterly alone.
I'm just alone, and lonely and empty.
Like I was only born with half a heart. It was never broken and half stolen.
No, I was only born with half a heart and I'm not capable of being fully alive.
It's like I can't afford to fall in love.
And somebody falling in love with me? That would only cause destruction.
If they really loved me, they would give me half of their heart, or their whole
But I can't repay properly, and so either way, they would only get a half a heart in
But I would never be able to live with myself, even then, with a full heart, not
knowing that I cursed somebody the way I was once cursed.
I just cannot.
So I'm just lonely, and so I shall remain....

‹giraffeo› says:   30 May 2013   764666  
Your poems are amazing ;-;
Rafaeru says:   30 May 2013   998470  
You feel better now, mkay?
So yeah.
lillymill says :   1 June 2013   989230  
@FizzyCola thank you so much! 
I don't feel as bad as in the poem :P
It's more or less true for me, except for the depressing ending part
about the half heart thing. I mean, sometimes I feel that way when I
get to thinking about things....
This basically stems from the fact that my best BEST friend just got
her first boyfriend and I AM sharing her happiness and excitement with
her and they're sooooo adorable and I hope they never break up, but
there's just this part of me that feels more alone now. (But it
doesn't make me want them to break up. I couldn't ever, for something
that makes her so happy.)
So yeah. 


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