My heart aches. I just realized I have had PTSD since I was 4 years old. Its
even still affecting me now. 
This pain hurts so bad.........
Just remembering the fear, feeling the fear, and having to act like
nothing is wrong. What I have done my whole life, I was taught to do that, 
for fear of getting in trouble or maybe worse than that. Seeing those
images play in my head over and over, remembering the things I used to do....
I was just a little girl, just a little girl who wanted a normal
mom and dad. 
Just a girl who dreamed of being a doctor, or princess. 
Someone who wished they were normal.
Someone who wished they could enjoy there childhood.
Someone who never thought something like that could have ever happened. 
This is so devastating, so heartbreaking, so painful. Ive been
so numb to the pain in the past that being able to feel it, is so
overwhelming. And then the instincts kick in.
They allow me to block everything out, to be able to enjoy the moment and forget all
the problems, but I didn't know in doing so it would cause more problems in life then
I could ever imagine.
Did I mean nothing to you? 
Did you ever love me?
was I ever good enough?
Why didn't  you love me?
Why wouldn't you try?
Why did I have to suffer and still do?
Why?why?why?
Why couldnt I have just been loved :'(