Sunday, 24 June 2012
04:01:39 PM (GMT)
I don't even know.
I won't be able to type for very long.
And I'm not alone.
I wanted to be alone but someone else is in the room.
I have to think about everything first.
Today I drove by some stores that sold weird Pagan stuff.
I think if I went in their I'd have a seizure.
Don't know why.
I don't have epilepsy.
But I'm getting off topic here.
What I meant to say was,
I need some time to figure things out,
and that's all I have in the summer,
time that I can't use,
because people take it from me,
and tell me what to do with it.
And now I'm listening to some German music.
I do that.
I think of things and then I go off on tangents.
They say it is stupid that I listen to this.
Because I don't speak German.
But it just sounds cool.
There are a lot of things that aren't really for me.
But they seem cool so I try them out anyway.
What is "cool"?
I need to go read that book.
I need to keep typing until my head is clear.
I need to clear my head.
I don't mean clear my mind like those yoga people do.
I just mean I need to organize my thoughts.
Put them into categories.
Sort through things and get rid of what I don't need.
There is a lot I don't need.
If I get rid of some of the clutter I might find some things I've been looking for.
I hate when I feel things touch my head.
Or I'm listening to music at night and something...
It's rather annoying.
Sleeping is so difficult.
They say, don't use electronics one hour before sleeping.
Wow, that is true!
Insomnia is often caused by...
Well, you're texting and using the computer before bed?
Playing video games?
Those are all things that make your thoughts go fast.
So then you can't slow them down to sleep.
But even if I don't...
I might still have problems because
I have problems.
I hate problems that are animate.
I hate so many things.
I don't hate people.
I hate the things people do.
Apparently it's offensive to tell the truth.
I could tell someone,
"You know, all your problems would evaporate if you lived the way the Bible tells you
But all they would hear is,
And then they would retaliate.
With something vulgar.
I don't want to hate you but you make a pretty convincing argument with your anger.
But I don't hate.
I'm above two things.
Pretty much every other bad thing I've tried.
Sometimes I say I hate someone.
But I don't.
Hate is not a short spurt of anger.
Hate is long-lasting and venomous.
Tintomara! Two things are white; yes, Innocence---Arsenic.
I get sad a lot when my mind's weighed down and I have to get rid of some things.
It makes me sick.
My dad is such an idiot. Of course I love him but he listens to nothing I say. He
thinks the slightest observation, recommendation, or criticism is an insult against
I hate how everyone thinks I'm wrong.
They see how I act, think, live.
And they say, "You're doing it wrong. See---Do it like this."
But what if I'm right?
I know I am.
Not about everything.
I'm not the first idiot to think they have something to teach the world.
But it's obvious that we need to be taught something.
We have a lot to learn.
Just call this out.
Maybe I should just call this out right now.
I don't care if you judge me or my words just because I don't use them the way you've
seen them used before.
Just shut up.
Try to learn something.
This isn't for you.
Or maybe it is.
God. I don't even know. I only want to hate the things You hate. Nothing else is
worth energy hating. Teach me, please. Open my eyes, I want to see people the way You
see them. Amen.
Sometimes people picture God as an angry god, and choose to dislike Him because of
You get angry, too.
And you think it's okay to get angry about your things. You think you have reasons.
So the real problem is that you don't think what God is getting angry about is worth
getting angry about.
And so that's your problem. You can take that up with God I guess.
You're all so silly.