Monday, 3 October 2011
12:44:27 PM (GMT)
I have been trying to lose weight for a long time.
When I went to college, I got up to around 290.
In reality, it was probably around 300.
I even deleted all of the pictures from then, for several reasons.
That's a part of my life I like to forget.
The way I looked, the person I was, the people I surrounded myself with.
I wish I could go back, make myself pay attention, not let it get so bad.
I should be grateful for where I am at now.
Starting in May of 2009, I lost about 75 lbs in a year and a half.
Then I fucking gained 30 back, because I went to live with my grandma and I didn't
run much at all during the winter.
I am starting to lose weight again.
Probably around 15 lbs or so.
I at least make a conscious effort every day, but I find myself slipping.
Sometimes I eat a lot.
I haven't exercised in quite a while.
I AM FUCKING DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT.
Every day will be a conscious effort.
I will count calories.
Get my food groups.
Do at least 30 minutes of some physical activity every day.
I would keep diaries of my weight, but I hate that shit.
I am not going to weigh myself until I either start seeing results physically, or
until I am happy with how I look.
If I won't be able to exercise, or just not very much, I will have 1500 calories or
If I will be doing vigorous exercise, either running a lot or lifting, I will have
It starts today.
I don't know for sure, but I should be around 240 lbs.
I want to be around 200.
In the end, it doesn't matter, because I am fairly tall, and I will be lifting.
So weight isn't the issue.
Getting the fucking fat from around my stomach, legs, back, arms, face, and
everywhere else, OUT OF MY LIFE.
I am so tired of looking in the fucking mirror and being disgusted with what I see.
I'm half tempted to barely eat anything, but I know it won't work, and it isn't
I will begin to hate food.
It is already happening.
Food will no longer be a source of happiness for me.
It will just be something I have to do to live.
I hate food.
It disgusts me.
I hate myself.
I like who I am most of the time.
I hate what I look like.
Once I get rid of this obstacle in my way, I can truly be myself, and be happy with
I had 500 calories for breakfast.
A bagel: 280
8 oz. glass V8 Fusion: 120
Cream cheese: 90
And my vitamin
I will count the calories of absolutely everything I consume.
Today will be a 1500 calorie day.
I need to run, but my back feels like someone hit the bottom with a hammer, and is
stabbing a knife into my lung when I breathe.
I think I will run later, regardless.
I like pain.
I embrace it.
Running almost every day.
Crunches/sit ups every other day.
Lifting upper body weights two days a week.
One day of rest.
Yoga and meditation in the mornings.
Good stretching every day.
I will do this.
THIS ENDS TODAY.
THE LIFE OF LAZINESS, OVER-CONSUMING, UGLINESS IS OVER.
I will lose weight.
I will lose fat.
I will be the person I want to be, so I can look in a mirror without feeling like a
This is day one.
October 3, 2011.
I will not stop until I have reached my goal.
I have had enough.