Friday, 25 February 2011
11:23:29 PM (GMT)
Waking up was single handedly the most painful thing I'd ever felt in my fifteen
years on this planet. Worse than when I fell off my bike when I was seven and tore
half my face off, worse than when I had fallen when ice skating and took a chunk out
of my knee when I was ten... Worse than the names they had called me in school. The
light attacked my eyes as soon as I'd opened them and the headache that followed was
killer to my brain. After blinking away the light for ten minutes I finally could
open my eyes and it was then I realised I was in hospital.
What's going on?
Wires. Tubes. There were some up my nose, I had tubes running down my throat, an
oxygen mask over my thin lips, it was now I heard the quickening Beep of my
pulse on the monitor. As I started to look at the casts on my arm, the bandage around
my torso, my brain was attacked again with the memory of the day before.
Rifie. He was the only person who never taunted me. I was seemingly normal to him,
like I had nothing wrong with me that everybody else saw. I'd smiled for the first
time in ever at school around him, and I did something I never thought would be
possible for a bisexual loser like me.
I fell in love...
However, I was convinced that I was too young to know what love was and told myself
it was lies. When the bell went and told us that school was over, I had never been
more disappointed. He'd picked up his bag, swing it over his head and it rested on
his shoulder. "Hey, I have a free period tomorrow. Meet me down here, I'll get you
everything you need to get you out of class and help you some more. We can go grab
some lunch to, if you'd like?" I nodded, feeling my face flame with a blush and hoped
to god it wasn't visible. I picked up my bright bag and rested it on my shoulder as I
walked away. "Friend!" He'd shouted and I could feel the blush get more dominant. I'd
forgotten what the hell a friend was until that day.
As I walked home, my usual way of diverting through the alleys that my Mum had always
warned me about but I never really cared for, I still wore the blush on my face.
I turned quickly, just in time for the largest of the five to grab me and slam my
back against the wall. I winced in pain, supressing the urge to let out a cry. I
looked up at his eyes, the brown in his eyes looked almost menacing. "Look, if it
ain't the little gay guy~" He teased.
They laughed that I'd corrected them. "We don't care," one of the other four behind
him said and my eyes moved to him, "fact is, you like guys. That doesn't fit in
here." He crossed his arms over his hooded chest and I shook my head.
"What has my sexuality got to do with this?"
One of the four, but not the one who had just spoke, moved forward and handed the
largest man something I knew not of at the time. "You're different. Different doesn't
fit in London, so we'll make you even more different." He said, shoving me to the
floor in one quick move and kicking me in the face as I fell. Gasping in pain, I
turned around slowly as the other two advanced on me, one of them pinning my arms in
an uncomfortably awkward position and the other holding down my legs.
"Hey, NO! Let me go!"
The larger guy bent down, now becoming clear what he held in his hand. A knife. My
chest pulsed up and down in a panicked way as I feared for my life. "Shh, don't be a
baby. This won't hurt." He said as I felt the sting of tears make my eyes shine like
crystals and I bit my bottom lip. Slowly, the larger one lifted up my T-shirt and
held it at the middle of my ribcage. Stop, stop, stop... I don't want any
trouble... My mind begged as the sting of the blade sliced my skin and I stiffled
a cry. As he moved further on, the cuts he made went deeper and deeper and as he got
to the end is when I started to scream and they all laughed.
"Stop! Please, just stop!"
SLAM! The two that had stood watching had finally taken action, one of them
kicking my face. The large male let go of me and stood straight. "I'm heading home,
you guys do as you wish." He said and left like nothing was happening. My arms and
legs were released and I watched him leave. A small whimper escaped my lips when my
stomach was attacked roughly with the boot of someone's foot. As I lay there, trying
to get up only to be shoved down again, I wished for someone to come and notice my
cry. For someone to run up and get them to stop. For someone to phone the police.
Half an hour after the beating had started I could no longer see through my puffed up
eyes, every part of my body ached unnaturally. If I could have said anything about
that day, I would have said a beautiful disaster.
The boys walked away, laughing and smiling that I was closer to death than any other
beating I'd recieved. I can't remember how long they stayed for, I kept slipping in
and out of conciousness. Scared that I'd die if I let go, I tried fighting.
Then, three minutes after I fought to stay awake a question crossed my smashed skull.
Why should I fight? Forgetting all about Rifie, I decided fighting was no longer an
option. I wasn't needed anywhere else, why exist?
I let myself slip.
Now I'm here, just alive but wondering how long I can stay alive before they're
after me again. I closed my eyes and breathed as evenly as I could, letting the tears
fall down my face.
My eyes flashed open. I looked next to me to see Rifie. I wish I could have smiled,
but they'd stolen my ability to. He smiled for me and sat down in the chair next to
the bed. "Denio, a-are you okay?" He asked and I nodded slowly, aching again but not
caring. "What about that...?" He asked, pointing at the bandage around my torso. My
shoulders lifted and fell slowly. "Can I... Check?" He asked and I, once again,
nodded. He stood, moving his hands over to the bandage and peeled it off ever so
carefully so not to cause any pain. A gasp escaped his lips and a hand to his mouth.
"What does it say?" I asked, my voice cracked and dry. His hand rested on the writing
and he intook a breath.
"Gay faggots were never welcome here." He said, his hand not moving from his mouth. I
closed my eyes.
"I-I see..." I said and felt my heart sank, as it showed on the monitor.
The scars... They're still there...
I can still remember them.
Last edited: 15 March 2011